Blotter o’ the Week: An intoxicated man was found lying face down in front of a fast-food restaurant, after clearly having had it his way for far too long.

An officer noticed a man sitting on a park bench attempting to conceal a silver bottle one evening, but let this be a reminder that even the most expert bottle concealers cannot outsmart local law enforcement. The officer asked the man if he had vodka in the container, to which the man replied, “No, it’s gin.” In an incident report, the officer further clarified that gin is “another well-known alcoholic beverage.”

Two employees at a car wash got into a fight after one man criticized the other for not doing a good job. After wrestling on the ground, one of the men went to go talk to their manager, at which point he was struck in the back of the head with a ceramic coffee mug.

A suspected vandal was being driven to jail when he passed by the store window he had shattered, and remarked, “I didn’t do that much damage, did I? All I did was throw a rock.”

A victim of mail fraud told an officer that he received a letter notifying him that he had won $600,000. The man was informed that he would need to pay $6,800 in processing fees to claim his winnings and should mail the cash inside of a magazine with no less than 100 pages. The supposed grand-prize winner was also told that his cash was being sent from Canada, and this was “how the Canadians did business,” according to an incident report. After sending an additional $2,500, the man eventually became suspicious of the deceptive Canadians and notified the authorities.

Police were called after a “known drunkard” entered a lingerie store downtown and began incoherently conversing with customers.

The victim of a hit and run said he was approached by the driver of the other vehicle, who stated, “I own this town” before getting back in his car and driving away.

While being searched by an officer, a suspect summoned his inner William Wallace, declaring, “You can take me to jail, but you cannot have my crack pipe.”

An officer was called by a cab driver after his passenger refused to pay her fare. The officer arrived on scene to find the passenger lying on the ground nearby in a state of over-intoxication. When the officer asked the woman where she lives and if she could pay her fare, she responded by calling the officer a “dick,” according to an incident report.

Three West Ashley gas stations were busted after selling beer to an underage customer working with the police.

A shoplifter was spotted loading up his vehicle with bags of charcoal on display outside of a store. When questioned by the store’s manager, the man offered him $5 for the stolen merchandise, which totalled approximately $100. The shoplifter returned to the same store later in the day and walked out with a 44-pound bag of dog food.

An officer witnessed a young intoxicated woman stumbling down the street and decided to question her. The woman was unable to provide her date of birth, and when the officer asked her when she graduated high school, the woman repeatedly responded with her zip code.

A homeowner called police to report an unknown “kid” sleeping on his upstairs patio. After waking the intoxicated 19-year-old, police asked the man where he was from, to which he replied, New York, before deciding on Summerville. After being unable to name the current date or president of the United States, the man admitted that he was underage, but was just “having a good time.”

Police received a call from a dollar store manager saying that an intoxicated individual had urinated inside the store. When asked by police if he had relieved himself in the store, the suspect replied, “No,” but when the officer asked if he would see something different when he reviewed the surveillance footage, the man finally admitted to his crime.

A man texted a female acquaintance one evening to see if she would be interested in going out later. The two had been on several dates, the man said, but he did not know about the other man in her life. In response to his initial texts, the man received a photo of the woman cuddled up next to an unknown man pointing a gun at the camera.