Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Feb. 16 and Feb. 21. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: An Amazon package was stolen from a man’s downtown porch. The package reportedly only contained a cone collar for his dog. It’s sad this man’s package was stolen, but I think we all know the dog orchestrated this caper.

Police responded to a report from a woman who claimed her personal pool cue was stolen from a downtown pool hall. We cannot even begin to fathom the losing streak she must be on right now using the house pool sticks.

One man hit another over the back with a flat-head shovel during an altercation over the price of a guitar he was selling online. We are thinking this is an overreaction, but we didn’t see the listing. Did no one stop to ask the seller to come down on the price a bit before going for the shovel?

A woman attempting to either fight or intimidate officers trying to remove her from a downtown bar reportedly “bowed up” to officers and began flailing her hands, striking an innocent bystander just trying to enjoy their drink.

A failed shoplifting attempt from a downtown department store led officers to the would-be thief’s backpack. The man was later caught and reportedly called himself “a terrible thief” who “can’t even get out the back door with a book bag.” Chin up, man, this just wasn’t your score.

Police wrote up a report after witnessing the driver of a vehicle hand a man on the side of the road a “suspicious package.” The package was confirmed to have been a Bojangles biscuit sandwich. Police chased the dirtbag sandwich passer and cited him for disorderly conduct. No mention of whether it was, in fact, Bo Time.

A loaded handgun with green grips was stolen from the center console of a truck parked outside of a downtown man’s home, and a catalytic converter was stolen from a church bus parked downtown.

Officers pulled over a vehicle for a faulty taillight and found the driver’s stash of marijuana, a whopping 4 grams. We know this is a small amount, but it easily could have been more, so this is our periodic warning to all the potheads out there to keep up with routine maintenance on your vehicles.

An update regarding the man we suspect is in the process of stealing all the supplies needed to build an entire house: A toolbox left at a construction site was broken into and several brass fittings and other items have been stolen. Some copper pipe was stolen from a separate construction site the same day. Two steps closer.

Police busted a number of vehicle passengers with three marijuana cigarettes, a baggie containing additional marijuana and a loaded handgun. We will be giving away stickers that say, “Good job!” and “I did it!” to anyone who can guess the make and model of the car. Hint: It’s a Charger.