Blotter o’ the Week: A business owner and a recently fired ex-employee got in an argument over a final paycheck, and both men called the police. Nobody was arrested.

After getting pulled over for making a sudden turn without a turn signal, a man threw some paperwork at police officers, shouted, “I don’t have the fucking insurance!” and walked to the rear of his own vehicle, where he put his hands on the bumper without being told to do so.

Police found cocaine in the vehicle of a woman who said she was driving home from the beach. Looks like she was ridin’ dirty and ridin’ sandy.

Excuse o’ the Week: “Damn, we weren’t doing nothing but smoking a blunt.”

After pulling over a man who was driving 57 mph in a 45 mph zone, police discovered that the man was also watching a video on his iPad while driving … and he had an open bottle of malt liquor in the center console … and he had a baggie of weed in the car.

Police pulled a man over for having illegal dark-tinted windows, and after they found $2,657 worth of cash in his pockets and started searching for marijuana, the man said, “I forgot about the gun. I guess I should have told you about that.” He had a Serbian-made short-barrel AK-47 with a pistol grip in the trunk.

While executing a search warrant at a house, police found what looked like crack cocaine on the dining room table, in an air conditioning vent return, in a plant next to the fireplace, and in a laundry basket in the bathroom.

In the most mild-mannered instance of vandalism in recent memory, someone twisted the caps off of a pickup truck’s tire valves and deflated two of the tires. The tires were fine; they just needed a little air.

Police Report Quote o’ the Week: “Through Officer’s training and experience, ‘weed’ is common slang used to refer to marijuana.”

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A radar detector, two 17-inch plasma TVs, one 7-inch TV/radio/CD player, two sets of keys, a GPS unit, an iPod, and 15 gas station gift cards worth $25 each.

After his girlfriend allegedly stabbed him in the torso under the arm, a man drove from his girlfriend’s house in Mt. Pleasant to his home in downtown Charleston before calling police.

Police pulled a man over because he had fuzzy dice and a blue feather boa hanging from his rearview mirror.

Weed Stash o’ the Week: A man kept a blunt curled under his toes inside his sock. That’s the wrong kind of dank, my friend.

A cop found 20 steering-wheel simulators for the Nintendo 64 videogame system inside a vehicle trailer … ’cause there ain’t no party like a Mario Kart party.

A Jimmy John’s deliveryman says an unidentified male stole his bicycle while he was making a delivery. The guy must’ve been freaky fast.

Dumb Con o’ the Week: A fast food employee was caught pocketing cash multiple times at the drive-thru window. She was under video surveillance the whole time.

A husband and wife reportedly got in an argument at a bar over a dance partner, and in the process, the wife says her husband bit her on the hand. When police finally tracked down the husband, he was hiding under a truck in a parking lot, and he had a bite mark on his chest.

When an officer asked a man if he knew why he had been pulled over, the man replied, “No.” When the officer informed the man that he had been driving 71 mph in a 35 mph zone, he said there was no way he had been driving more than four miles per hour above the speed limit.

When a police officer confronted a drunk man who was peeing on a wall, the man bum-rushed the cop, but the officer caught him by the shirtsleeve. After the man tried to pull his shirt off over his head (and didn’t quite succeed), he told the officer, “Man, just listen to me, I’m an Eagle Scout.”