Blotter o’ the Week: During a traffic stop, police found $4,751 in cash in a man’s pockets. When asked if he worked anywhere, the man said he made $22 an hour as a welder. The officer noticed that the man was spitting a lot and that his tongue was green, leading him to believe that the man had swallowed a whole bunch of weed as he was being pulled over. Finally, the officer found a little bit of marijuana in the car and handed the man a criminal summons on a simple possession charge.

The owner of a car dealership saw a stranger walking around in the dealership office and asked him what he was doing. The man said he was applying for a job. When the owner noticed that the man was carrying one of the dealership’s bank bags, he told the man to drop it. The man took off running and made it to the parking lot before the owner caught up to him. The contents of the bag were worth $24,906.

A man says he bought a $4,600 wristwatch on eBay, but the seller sent him an empty box. He looked online two days later and saw that the seller was selling the same watch again.

Somebody stole a purse from a woman at a hookah bar. Shisha, man.

Open Containers o’ the Week: A booze-filled ginger ale can inside a sedan, a 12-oz. can of beer in a man’s hand, a 16-ounce can of malt liquor in a paper bag, a 12-oz. bottle of beer dropped on the sidewalk, and a bottle of gin behind a driver’s seat.

Grand Irony o’ the Week: An employee at a payday and title loan service was caught embezzling $266 from the business. Earlier in the day, the employee had told her manager that she needed to borrow $266 to pay her rent, but the manager had told her she wasn’t authorized to take money from the business.

A man who had dug a 15-foot steel beam out of the ground at a construction site was caught trying to load it into his SUV.

A man tried to buy two bottles of flavored fortified wine with a counterfeit $10 bill. Nothing wrong with drinking a little bum wine, but you can’t get away with spending bum money.

A woman was walking her dog when she found a rusty 12-gauge shotgun on the shore of a river under a bridge. She noticed it was below the high tide line.

A woman called police to report that someone had listed her apartment for rent on Craigslist. She found out after a prospective renter showed up at her place wanting to check it out after corresponding with the so-called landlord who said he was a missionary serving in Nigeria and wanted a $200 application fee.

After getting turned away from a nightclub for being too drunk, a man refused to leave. A police officer arrived on the scene and told him to buzz off, but even after his friends tried to pull him away, the man said, “No, I want to talk to this officer.” After walking a few yards away and then returning to mouth off to the officer again, the man was arrested on a charge of public drunkenness — plus a charge of resisting arrest after he put up a brief fight.

A woman with bright pink hair was seen shoplifting a $40 cardigan.

After pulling a car over for speeding, a police officer smelled marijuana as the driver rolled down his window. There was no weed in the vehicle, although the driver admitted, “I know it smells like weed. It was from earlier today.” The officer found a marijuana grinder and a “Blunt Power” air freshener in the center console.

During an argument that started because his ex-girlfriend wouldn’t give him $5, a man caused $1,200 worth of damage to an apartment.

A homeowner believes that employees of a cleaning service may have stolen a $4,000 pair of diamond earrings from her jewelry box.

Police stopped to check on a woman who had driven her car onto a curb and hit some shrubs. She said she wasn’t drunk, just tired, but she failed a field sobriety test and blew a breath alcohol content of 0.24 percent — three times the legal driving limit.

DUI o’ the Week: A woman stumbled toward a police officer at about 2 a.m. and said, “I am afraid.” When the officer asked why she was afraid, the woman replied, “I live three blocks from here and all the people.” She said she planned to drive home, and the officer advised her several times to take a cab instead. The woman walked away while the officer was dealing with another incident, and shortly afterward the cop saw her driving a car. He stopped her, field-tested her for drunkenness, and arrested her on a DUI charge.

Vandalism o’ the Week: Somebody wrote “Ugly Redneck” and drew what was described as “an unidentifiable picture” on the hood of a minivan in red lipstick.

After getting caught riding a GPS-equipped bicycle owned by the police department, a man said, “There is nothing to talk about. You caught me with the bait bike.”