Bizarre Late-Night Quote o’ the Week: A man who was rocking back and forth on the steps of a building told police, “I am an officer, I am a bounty hunter … You have messed with the wrong Nazi.”

Two men were caught begging for money while in possession of an open bottle of wine. One of the men had $11 in his pocket, which he said he “got from people because they are so nice in Charleston.”

When a driver rolled down his windows at a traffic stop, smoke billowed out, apparently from the three people inside the car who were all smoking at once. Turns out they were trying to cover up the sweet, stanky smell of the 21 grams of marijuana they had stashed in the vehicle.

Criminal Charge o’ the Week: Carrying Concealed Toy Pistol.

A college student left town to take a semester off from classes. When he returned to his downtown apartment, he discovered that someone had stolen all of his furniture, including three couches and two wooden tables, as well as two vacuum cleaners.

Time Traveler o’ the Week: Police detained a drunk man at a movie theater. When asked what time he thought it was, the man replied, “4:94.”

A man staying at a guesthouse was arrested after allegedly beating on other tenants’ doors and cursing out the management. Why’d he have to be so hostel?

An officer woke up a man who was sleeping outside of a downtown business around bar closing time. The man, who had apparently peed his pants, vomited on himself as soon as he woke up. When asked for identification, he pulled out his reading glasses and said, “I think this is it.”

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: Two car stereos, a GPS unit, an iPod Nano, a Macbook Air, an iPhone, the paperwork from a glovebox, a debit card, the key to a toolbox, and a vehicle owner’s manual.

A woman left her car parked downtown with the windows rolled down. When she returned to the vehicle after five minutes, someone had stolen the MP3 player and laptop computer that she left in the car.

A car caught fire in an apartment complex parking lot, eventually causing two of the tires to explode from the heat. The vehicle’s owner said she had just picked up the car from a dealership mechanic shop, where they told her the vehicle had an issue with an oil gasket.

Weapon o’ the Week: A Dasani water bottle was thrown at a window during an argument, causing lacerations to a man’s face when the window shattered.

A man wearing nothing but orange boxer shorts was seen walking down the street one night punching cars. Then he got naked and threw up on the sidewalk. The man said he had been drinking Fireball shots, and when asked if he had taken any drugs, he replied, “Just some crack and weed.” When asked where his clothes were, he replied, “I don’t know … Music Farm.”

After being told she wasn’t allowed to park in the grass at a yacht club, a woman got mad and gunned the engine, leaving a three-foot skid mark that a landscaper later estimated would cost $200 to repair.

A woman heard someone making a racket on her porch around midday, looked out, and saw a man who had broken two of the railings and was lifting the bicycle she had chained to the railings. She ran outside and yelled at the would-be thief, who dropped the bike and ran off.

Police placed a bait bicycle equipped with a GPS tracking unit in a parking lot in West Ashley. When they busted a man for taking the bike and asked him why he had done it, the man replied, “Wouldn’t you? It was just laying there.”

Upon returning home from an anniversary date with his wife, a man confronted a cross-dressing prostitute who he said was working the corner near his house. The cross-dresser pushed the resident to the ground, shattering his right wrist in the process.

A man says he was popping wheelies in a wheelchair he had found near a downtown bar when a frat boy walked up, told him it was “fucked up” that he was asking for money when he wasn’t handicapped, and then punched him in the face several times. Guess that’s how he rolls.

A student was caught carrying a four-inch steak knife on a school bus.