Steve Stegelin

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Blotter o’ the week: Birthday celebrations ran afoul when the birthday boy refused to leave his mother’s house over not receiving the gift he had asked for. Police were called, and the man repeatedly said they would have to arrest him and “lock him up” because he wasn’t going anywhere. The report doesn’t mention anyone’s age, which usually means everyone is an adult, but we really aren’t sure about this one.

Police responded to a vehicle theft in a convenience store parking lot, where a man’s Jeep, along with the $800 worth of fishing equipment inside, were stolen. That seems like a lot of money for fishing gear; has this man ever played Minecraft? All you need are three sticks and a couple pieces of string.

Police received a call about a 2019 Dodge Challenger missing all four of its rims near a West Ashley highway. After checking security footage from a nearby camera, they watched one man remove the lug nuts, fail to remove the rims, leave the area, and come back in a Ford Mustang with two friends. You have to hand it to this guy, when the going got tough, he got backup.

While sitting in her downtown residence, a woman heard the sound of glass breaking. After investigating the sound, she saw a softball sized rock, her neighbor’s window broken, and heard the sound of children laughing while running away. We’re all scared and kids are committing vandalism — it’s always Halloween during COVID-19 season.

After police offered to take one highly intoxicated woman home from a downtown store, she reportedly ran into the middle of the street, stood on a yellow line, and attempted to give herself a field sobriety test. She fell multiple times, and even the officers told her that she was only showing how drunk she really was.

In a scene right out of a weekday sit-com rerun, a man cracked open an Icehouse beer on a downtown sidewalk right as a patrolling officer pulled up. Unfortunate timing.

Two handguns were stolen from two separate cars parked at different West Ashley apartment complexes.

If anyone is wondering how long it takes for police to find a bag of weed hidden in one of their own cruisers, it’s about three days. When they realized that after half a week their car still smelled like marijuana, they reviewed the in-car footage to watch the smuggler shove their plastic baggie in between the seat cushions while muttering curses under their breath.

A woman forgot her Motorola G-7 at a grocery store in West Ashley, after setting it on a counter to pay. When she returned, she was surprised to find it missing. To be honest, we are too.

Police were notified of a potential abandoned vessel on the Ashley River. The boat in question had a door ajar, windows open, trash strewn in the cabin, and no registration. Appropriately, the boat’s actual name was, “A Fine Mess.”

Officers attempted to
pull over a man downtown after he drove through a stop sign.
The suspect exited his vehicle, leading to a foot chase before he was detained. Upon searching the individual, they found a pill bottle labeled “Metformin Hydrochloride,” with crack inside. At least he wasn’t believing the hype about hydroxychloroquine.

A West Ashley supermarket informed police that, to decrease contact during the pandemic, they have not been reporting shoplifting … except for one individual who stole two Fitbit devices, a Playstation 4 headset, and chicken patties. They chose their battles wisely.