Blotter o’ the Week: An exotic dancer is accused of stealing a customer’s credit cards and using them to make early-morning purchases at two fast food joints. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “chicken strip.”

Somebody stole six fishing rods and an edger and attempted to pawn them. He’s on the hook for the crime now.

Cue “Yakety Sax”: A minor tried using a fake ID to get into a bar and then took off running when a police officer confronted him about it. In all, it ended up taking four cops to chase the kid down an alley, through a backyard, and across a busy street.

Three adults and two juveniles teamed up to shoplift $331.58 worth of clothing and candy from a store.

When a woman returned to her house from dinner to get dressed for a Halloween party, she discovered that someone had stolen a $4,800 pearl necklace and a $38,000 watch from her jewelry box.

Projectile Weapons o’ the Week: A curling iron, a can of hair spray, and an electric iron.

A man was found slumped over and sleeping on a bench at midday beside an open juice bottle full of vodka and a Gucci shopping bag. Classy tastes, this guy.

Smooth Criminals o’ the Week: Three men walked into a children’s clothing store and tried to get change for two counterfeit $100 bills by using them to buy a $4.50 sweater vest and a $2.50 T-shirt. Totally inconspicuous.

Scam o’ the Week: Someone called a convenience store claiming to be with a company that needed to check on the store’s prepaid credit cards. The clerk gave the caller the card numbers for $10,000 worth of cards.

A bank customer tried depositing $500 cash via the pneumatic tube at a bank drive-thru, but he realized after sending it up the chute that the bank was closed. The next day, the bank tellers sent all the tubes back out to the drive-thru, and another customer reported that he had found $400 in the tube. Sounds like a finder’s fee if we ever heard one.

After getting in a fight with his live-in girlfriend, a man reportedly stormed out of their apartment with his video game console and said, “I don’t need this!”

A house cleaner is accused of stealing some heavy-duty painkillers, sleeping pills, a gold chain, and a DVD of The Girl Who Played with Fire from her employer’s house. The girl who played with narcotics was nowhere to be found.

Too-Easy Theft o’ the Week: After borrowing an acquaintance’s cell phone to make a call, a man simply walked away with the phone and didn’t come back.

Street Drug Name o’ the Week: Police searched a man’s car and found 0.3 grams of a white rock or crystal substance stashed inside some torn upholstery. The driver identified the stuff as “Molly,” but the cops used several test kits on it and couldn’t identify what it was. Somebody stole firefighting gear from the bed of a pickup truck. That’s pretty low.

The Things They Shoplifted: Two polo shirts, one can of shoe polish, three sweatshirts, one box of frozen chicken nuggets, one box of corn dogs, one box of boneless ribs, one box of barbecue-flavored Hot Pockets, two $14 pairs of socks, and one $16 pair of socks.

After getting busted with marijuana at a traffic stop, a woman repeatedly told the officer, “Over less than a dime bag of weed?” Yep, over less than a dime bag of weed.

A drunk man in a USC jersey was seen trying to get into a closed funeral home after midnight. He should just let his football team keep digging its own grave.