Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department from February 2013.

Blotter of the Week: Somebody tried to shoplift two bottles of motor oil, a power inverter, a vacuum cleaner, a blender, a safety kit and a CB radio by walking out of a store with the items in a shopping cart. Not the most creative technique, but we’ll give him originality points for the selection of items.

RUNNERS UP

Police found a drunk man kicking a door and shouting profanities on a second-story fire escape. When the cops told the man to come down, he sat and scooted down the steps until he reached the landing where the officers were standing. In the incident report, one officer writes, “He was unable to answer basic questions when asked and [said] he did not have any legs.”

Someone broke out the back window on an SUV, stole a lawn chair off a resident’s porch, and disconnected the water hose on a community washing machine. Beware of aimlessly disgruntled people.

When police asked permission to search an intoxicated person, he replied, “Can I search you?”