Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Feb. 19 and March 3. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

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Blotter o’ the week: A woman who previously trespassed at a downtown fast food joint made her grand reappearance, panhandling in the drive-thru line near the main entrance. Customers were reportedly disturbed by her presence, probably due to her bold fashion choice: a black leather jacket and T-shirt, with no pants or underwear.

While being detained in a police vehicle outside a downtown nightclub, a man stood up in the car’s doorway despite repeated verbal commands to stay seated, shouting, “I wish you would.”

A few weeks ago, a man got into his car and found that the ignition was damaged. After the man called the police, the responding officer confirmed that the damage looked as though someone had attempted to hotwire the car. Key word: attempted.

After stopping a black Dodge Charger for driving without their lights on, the driver rolled down the window and handed the officer his ID and a half-rolled joint, saying, “I didn’t want to hide anything from you.” He was let off with a warning for his radical honesty.

A man told police his moped had been stolen from his backyard downtown last month. He said it must have been carried out, since it wasn’t running. He described the vehicle as being blue, with scratches on the front ride corner, and having a paper tag that read “MOPED.”

A West Ashley man had his Yeti cooler stolen from the back of his truck and later saw it for sale on Facebook Marketplace. He knew it was his cooler based on the color, the dirt, and that it was listed for sale with eight cans of Miller Lite still inside.

A West Ashley couple’s relationship burned out instead of fading away when a man allegedly set his girlfriend’s car on fire. There was some smoke damage to the driver’s side, where the rear tire was melted. Love burns passionately sometimes.

After pulling over a man near Folly Road, officers said the driver of a truck who was straddling both lanes of traffic and swaying back and forth in the roadway said, “I was being dumb,” and that he “Did a mistake.”

A West Ashley woman reported her gate was damaged overnight, and that a piece of driftwood and a rock had been taken from her porch. She believes the bandit to have been her ex-boyfriend. We aren’t sure what’s more criminal, the vandalism to the gate, or the driftwood theft.

While following an SUV on Folly Road, an officer had to slam on his brakes to avoid colliding with the driver in front as they quickly stopped their vehicle. After pulling the driver over, she reportedly told the officer, “You’re up on my butt.”

While searching a man after finding the firearm he was carrying, police discovered various other items, such as: a gram of marijuana, seven pennies, two nickels, two dimes, and two condoms. Not sure if any of those are going to be useful for a while.

Police confronted a man at a downtown gas station for trespassing. The offender told police the store clerks called him names, which he found to be “rude and an abuse of power.” Let them have this. Outside of telling 18-year-olds they can’t have their mango JUUL pods, this is one of the few ways gas station employees can feel powerful.

A man called the police on himself in late February after he accidentally fired his new handgun inside his house. While cleaning the loaded gun, he pulled the trigger and got himself a nice hole in his wall to go with his new toy. After removing the magazine, he tested the trigger again, which, of course, fired another round into his mattress. Who said we didn’t need stricter gun laws?