Blotter o’ the Week: A man was attending a 50th anniversary party when he decided to photo-bomb some women who were taking a group picture at the end of a dock. He says one of the women caught on to what he was doing, placed her hands on his shoulders, and “kneed [him] in the balls really hard.” After calling police to report an assault, the man pulled up a picture of her on his phone to show it to an officer, explaining that they are Facebook friends.

A man says he was using a restaurant bathroom when three men walked in and started taking selfies. He says he “exchanged words” with them about it, and the men ended up shoving him and tearing his shirt.

Police found a car parked in traffic on the interstate without any hazard lights on. When an officer questioned the man who was sleeping in the driver’s seat, he said he had pulled over to sleep during a traffic jam and had not woken up when traffic started moving again.

Dummy Round o’ the Week: A woman called police to report that she had discovered a bullet hole in her bedroom wall. Officers questioned a man who lived in the neighboring apartment, and he admitted that he had been practicing with a new pistol and “thought he had dummy rounds in the weapon when he discharged it at a zombie target located within his residence.”

A man walked into a bar, downed $22 worth of whisky, and then walked out, leaving a credit card behind. The bartender tried running the card, but the charge was declined.

A condominium resident says he woke up around 2 a.m. after hearing a lot of noise and saw a man running through his courtyard yelling. When he left the condo in the morning, he discovered that someone had knocked over a statue that was at the center of a fountain in the courtyard. The statue’s name was Rebekah.

When police spotted a man who was wanted on a warrant sitting in the passenger seat of a car, the man handed something to another man who was standing nearby. The second man took off running while the wanted man was placed under arrest, and the wanted man could be heard saying, “Don’t let them go inside the car,” and “Y’all tape this shit.” Police searched the car and found 37 grams of marijuana. They also searched behind the house where the second man had taken off running and found 14 grams of crack cocaine in a trash can.

A police officer found a diamond ring in a gravel parking lot. Anybody looking for a diamond in the rough?

After police received a report of a man in a tan jacket exposing himself to people in front of a bar, an officer approached the man and noticed he was swaying back and forth. The man repeatedly said to the officer, “Seriously?” and said that his vehicle was “just right there.” The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

When police woke up a man who was passed out in his vehicle on a bridge off-ramp, he repeatedly said, “I got you,” in response to questions where that response made no sense. Police got him, though — on a DUI charge.

An officer caught a man peeing on a wall in an alley. The incident was captured on a police body camera.

Somebody sawed down a live oak and a willow oak that were in a public park. Both trees were about 30 feet tall.

Somebody broke into a soda vending machine at a marina and stole about $180 from inside. Let’s hope the thief uses it to turn his life around.

A woman took a kiddie pool from the outdoor section of a store and attempted to use an old receipt to get cash back for it at the customer service counter.

A man walked into a seafood restaurant and demanded a free hamburger from the bartender, explaining that it was “Free Hamburger Day.” When the bartender refused, the man raised his voice and said, “I’m the only cop out here today, and this is my beat,” before pouring some water on the bar. When police arrived to arrest the man on a disorderly conduct charge, he said he had “only had a bottle of liquor and couple of beers today.”

A woman suspects her roommate of using her credit card to make $80 worth of purchases from fast food joints. Sounds like the cops will have to perform a chicken strip search.

When police responded to a report of a man who was walking down the middle of a busy street trying to talk to people and vehicles, they found the man waiting in line to get into a bar. As police questioned the man, he put his hands behind his back “as if he was preparing himself to be arrested,” according to an incident report. Police arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

An officer responded to a call about a man banging on someone’s door late at night and found the man standing in the rain holding large clumps of his own hair in his hand. He repeatedly said to the officer, “My dawg” and “Yo dawg.” When asked for his driver’s license, he tried to give the officer a debit card. The resident said he did not know the man, but the man said he had a friend who lived in the house. The officer arrested the man on a public intoxication charge.

When a police officer made contact with a woman who was drinking from a can of beer at a bus stop, she said, “I’m Michael Jackson. I’m allowed to drink beer at the bus stop if I want to.” She’s bad.