Blotter o’ the Week: Following a strip search, exactly 53 pills of Ecstasy were found stuffed into a suspect’s underwear. Keep in mind next time you’re rolling that those pills probably spent some time alongside someone’s junk.

A woman was asleep in her home when she heard the sound of a window shatter and a female voice call out “Let me in.” The woman’s landlord chose not to press charges, as the attempted invader was a former tenant at that residence, but police soon noticed the smell of alcohol on the intoxicated woman who thought she was simply trying to break into her own home.

After being kicked out of a cell phone store for sleeping, a man was found urinating near the entrance of a nearby business. The suspect was trailed into a neighboring sandwich shop where he was located hiding in the bathroom, ironically. All in all, it seems like a very eventful day of shopping.

Police were called by a mother who had locked her son in the bathroom while he dealt with a bad reaction to some acid he had taken from a friend.

Police responded to reports of two individuals having intercourse outside of a bar late one evening. The intoxicated woman denied any canoodling, instead telling police that she and her partner were just “drinking and laughing.”

After about one month on the job, an employee at a fast-food restaurant is suspected of stealing more than $300 from the business. This incident will likely weigh heavily on her upcoming performance evaluation.

A man pretended to be asleep in order to avoid being forced to leave his hospital room after he had been discharged. As police began helping the man into his wife’s vehicle, he finally woke from a long slumber and began trying to elbow officers.

A man called police after his vehicles were vandalized. The man’s roommate later told police that he was recently woken by their neighbor, who appeared intoxicated and continued shouting “You are parked in my spot” and “I’m tired of your dog pooping on my patio.” In this case, it appears revenge is a dish best served by firing a BB gun at your neighbor’s Jeep.

A shoplifter entered a dollar store and immediately began wrestling with the security tag attached to a package of white undershirts. After unsuccessfully grappling with the packaging, the woman threw the shirts to the ground and tried her luck again with several other packages of shirts located on the same rack.

Approximately $30,000 of copper and aluminum was stolen from two construction sites around town, so keep an eye out for anyone making bank at the local recycling center.

A woman returned home one evening to find the window to her apartment shattered. A witness told police that they had spotted a suspicious man carrying a boomerang in the building earlier that day. Police later found the suspect, who surprisingly did not return to the scene of the crime.

Approximately $3,619 worth of golf equipment was stolen from an unlocked car.

After submitting loan requests online for several weeks, a man was contacted by an individual saying he had been approved for an $8,000 loan. The only catch was the man needed to purchase $300 in iTunes gift cards and hand over the card information before he received the $8,000 he had been promised. To make matters worse, before realizing that he was being scammed, the man also shared his bank account information, address, and social security number with the mystery caller.

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