Blotter o’ the week: A man had a tattoo machine and an African mask stolen from his car while it was parked under the Crosstown overpass. (Approximate value: $1,000.) When officers asked why his car was there, he told them he’d been arrested for a DUI, doesn’t have car insurance, and sometimes sleeps in the car when he hangs out downtown.

“My brother will shoot you and your ugly mommas,” wrote one middle schooler to a former friend. A seemingly empty threat, except for the fact that the student’s older brother does appear to have a handgun, which he took to his high school’s homecoming.

A mall security officer saw a man “messing with” the tip jar in an eatery. The man tried to fight other security officers and was later charged with trespassing and resisting arrest by real cops.

A woman’s neighbor walked over to her front porch and pushed two statues over, breaking their bases and causing $1,000 in damage.

A college student was walking on King Street when a man pulled up next to her asking for directions. She stepped closer to the car and noticed that he was masturbating with his genitals exposed. While an officer interviewed that victim, the man did the same thing to a different college student on Coming Street.

This week in Victoria’s Secret thefts: A woman grabbed seven sweatshirts, four pants, four leggings, and four shirts off the shelves, draped them over her arm, and walked out of the store. Estimated loss: $1,043.05.

A man took two cans of beer from the cooler of a West Ashley convenience store. When employees told him to put them back, he simply replied, “No.” He also took a stick of beef jerky and a bottle of bleach before riding away on his bike.

A woman logged into her bank account to see that her former live-in boyfriend from nine years ago used her bank info to pay a $391 SCE&G bill.

A man filled up two containers at the hot food bar in a West Ashley supermarket and grabbed a bottle of beer before walking to the lobby, where his getaway was foiled by a loss prevention officer.

Someone broke into a downtown butcher shop and stole a safe containing at least $1,500.

A woman was involved in a physical altercation with her boyfriend. She later called the cops anonymously, saying that she wanted them to conduct a traffic stop because he had narcotics on him and she thought he would “get in more trouble for that than beating the crap out of me.”