Blotter o’ the Week: A shirtless man ripped the fire extinguisher from the wall of a hotel and began blasting it off in the hallway. When asked why, the man replied, “I was drunk and had been drinking.”

A man found sleeping in his car outside of a restaurant was said to have awakened and begun dancing when an officer knocked on his window. After stumbling from his vehicle, the intoxicated man told police that he was texting friends when he passed out. Thankfully, he lost consciousness before completing the trifecta of drinking, driving, and texting.

A man entered a corner store, opened a jar of chocolate frosting, and began helping himself to the sweet treat. When told to stop by a cashier, the man took the remaining frosting and two cups of instant ramen and “proceeded to make a mess on the floor,” according to an incident report. The man then went into the bathroom and unspooled a roll of paper towels before exiting the store.

A woman attempted to wake her daughter, who soon became angry and began shouting obscenities at her mother. In response, the mother grabbed the girl’s cell phone and broke it. The daughter in turn grabbed her mother’s arm and bit her hand. Let this be a reminder to let sleeping daughters lie.

Two brothers got into a dispute one night and ended up breaking the television in their hotel room. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Two recently evicted tenants are believed to have taken the door to their apartment with them when they were forced to leave. They also left a large hole in the living room wall, proving the old adage: When fate steals a door, it also opens a window — or a huge, gaping hole in your wall.

An intoxicated man visiting Charleston for a bachelor’s party wrecked someone else’s vehicle after a group of strangers told him “You should get in the car and drive it.”

An intoxicated man was found stumbling away from a Mexican restaurant with his pants unzipped and car keys in hand. While the man was speaking with police, a waitress from the restaurant approached to say the man had skipped out on his bar tab.

A shoplifter attempted to steal apple cider and cat treats from a grocery store in a clear effort to live out the saddest night imaginable.

A woman suspects that her boyfriend’s ex used her social security information to shut off her electricity and cell phone.

An officer stopped an underage woman attempting to enter a bar using a fake Florida license. When asked the capital of Florida, the woman incorrectly replied, “Tampa.” The officer followed up by asking the woman her age. She replied, “Nine,” before stopping herself. The woman finally admitted that she was only 19 years old. This is why it’s important to study geography if you plan to drink while underage.

Approximately 120 feet of copper pipe was stolen from underneath a home that is currently under renovation.

A man reported his rental car missing after he parked downtown to meet up with some friends. Having taken an Uber home that evening, the man told police that he thinks he left the car running with the keys in the ignition. He also explained that he “may have been intoxicated” at the time.

The clumsiest drug mule in the world entered a hotel and proceeded to accidentally drop a glass jar of marijuana on the ground, shattering the jar and drawing the attention of two nearby SLED agents.

Four dudes decided to celebrate the Bridge Run by climbing atop a hotel fountain to have their picture taken. According to an incident report, the fountain soon broke under the weight of the four revellers, and the gentlemen fled — continuing their rambunctious day of athletics.