Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the Week: A police report mentioned a downtown woman who “religiously” locks her vehicles. We know that probably just means she’s consistent, but we couldn’t help but imagine her burning incense and waving a crucifix over her car door locks before paying the meter.

RUNNERS UP

A downtown woman suspected of stealing from another person’s car was caught by police with a number of stolen goods and a small baggie of weed, which she said she had also stolen from the same car. Guess the owner conveniently left that off the list.

Police received a call from a distraught man who told them he had “a bad bump.” For those who aren’t as drug- savvy (read: cool) as others, he was probably talking about cocaine, but yes, it very well could have been about a bad pothole.

A West Ashley man arrested for burglary told officers he “cased” his target’s house by watching their “excessive Instagram stories” that showed the locations of valuables like jewelry and cash.