BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A police officer responding to a domestic violence case found both the boyfriend and the girlfriend claiming they were assaulted, with apparent wounds on each of them. The couple said they were in a “romantic” relationship.

The witness of a hit and run described the suspected vehicle as a “pukish” green SUV. We didn’t realize that Garbage Pail Kids came out with a color wheel.

As police were pulling up to a car accident, the suspect was already calling a tow truck. The man told officers he was reaching for his cell phone in the floorboard when he lost control, sideswiping one vehicle and rear-ending another. An officer asked how he was going to help the other vehicle owners. “I’m not,” he responded.

Caught walking down the street with a beer in hand, a young man tried to get out of trouble by giving the officer a false name. The police were suspicious, but they got what they needed when his grandma came outside and told officers his real name.

On patrol on King Street, officers found a young woman asleep on the sidewalk. Her cellphone was in her left hand, her shoes were off, and she was lying in a pool of urine. Asked if she was OK, the woman said, “No, I am drunk.”

Following a tip from a man that his wife was driving his car drunk, officers tracked her down. During a roadside sobriety test, she took 17 steps in the walk-and-turn instead of the nine steps as she was instructed. When the officer tried to correct her, she said, “I didn’t understand you because I was too busy talking.”

Items Stolen This Week: Six bikes, three iPods, two GPS units, and a laptop.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.