The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Aug. 20 and Aug. 24. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter o’ the week: A man told police his cousin broke into his apartment, stole cash from a safe and fought with him when he came home. Police were suspicious of his story because of some inconsistencies, but it’s fun to imagine the complainant tussled with himself while yelling his cousin’s name in an empty room.

Police responded to a noise complaint downtown because ’tis the season. The officer commented the music was turned up so loud he had to knock three times before someone responded. How strong is the, “Sorry officer, it was a fire playlist” defense?

A West Ashley woman informed police that a tennis bag, a tennis racket, two pickleball rackets and one pickleball net were stolen from her car. This woman comes prepared for impromptu games of tennis or tennis-adjacent sports. 

While at work, a Daniel Island man received a threatening phone call from an unknown party who also claimed to be outside of his house, where his 11-year-old daughter was. Instead of sending the cops there, this father-of-the-year nominee told his dad to go pick up his daughter while he met the police at a separate location. Don’t worry, cops drove past the house on their way there and everyone’s fine.

A “very important medical device” was stolen from a vehicle downtown. The victim did not identify the device, so we’ll just speculate. Was it the Holy Grail? A pacemaker? Toenail clippers? Actually, it was probably a bong.

Police officers tend to over-explain situations in incident reports. One described shoplifting as “exiting the store, bypassing all points of sale in order to deprive the business the monetary value of the merchandise.” As a former high school student and freelance journalist, I can say this cop is milking the word count.

Officers spotted a man on trespass notice at a James Island gas station. The responding officer recognized him from “multiple past encounters” and nine active cases involving the individual. After citing him, the officer drove him to his brother’s house because it was raining. It’s good to know your local police officer?

Both parties in a West Ashley assault were accused “of starting the verbal with lead to each striking each other.” Can we just get an editor on these reports?

A moped driver hit a vehicle downtown before fleeing. A witness stated the offender left because “his mom would get mad.” Would she be less angry if you had a hit and run hanging over your head?

Police arrived at a Folly Beach convenience store after reports of a drunken man bothering customers and urinating in the parking lot. After the man urinated on the police car, the store’s assistant manager said he didn’t want to place the man on trespass because he was a regular and didn’t usually act this way. So he
usually just drinks and pees on stuff but leaves customers alone?

A man was seen on security cameras stuffing roughly 50 vinyl records into a couple reusable plastic bags, about $3,000 worth. Told you vinyl is having a resurgence.