Blotter o’ the Week: A man claimed that he was taking a shower when another man pulled back the curtain and punched him in the chest. The man then leapt out of the bath and the two grappled on the floor. Despite allegedly targeting his victim during shower time, it was the suspect who made a clean getaway.

An intoxicated man attempted to wee, we mean flee the scene of the crime after he was spotted urinating in public by an officer. His escape was short-lived as police soon found him passed out on the ground in a nearby driveway.

An officer asked a man for his ID, which the man claimed was located in a fire truck that was driving past at the moment. The man told police that he had been drinking and was planning on going home to mix some music.

An intoxicated young man found sleeping outside on a sidewalk was asked for his ID, but instead he chose to show an officer the photos on his cell phone. Later, police were able to track down the man’s real identity, learning that he was only 19 years old.

A woman believes that her ex-boyfriend vandalized her bicycle, removing the seat, slashing the tires, and writing expletives across the basket.

A hotel manager called police after a woman checked into a room, ordered $145 worth of expensive cocktails, and began smoking in the building. After her credit card was declined, the woman admitted that she ordered the pricey libations on purpose, knowing that she would be unable to pay.

Police responded to reports of a loud party downtown taking place before midnight. Arriving on the scene, officers asked two guests to retrieve the residents of the property. It was at this point that the residents and their guests turned off all the lights inside the home in a cunning effort to fool authorities.

As police approached a man drinking beer in public, the man immediately responded, “I’m wrong,” before he was forced to empty his beverage on the ground and cited for an open container.

One crafty watchman was able to assemble a MacGyver-style alarm system to ward off a would-be burglar. Using only a cowbell and some string, the man was alerted to the efforts of an attempted bike thief who fled the scene.

A man called police to report that he is still being harassed by a former roommate who is prohibited from speaking to him due to a restraining order. According to the man, his former roommate has stated in the past that “You are Adam reincarnated and I’m your Eve,” according to an incident report.

A man believes that his former fiancé slashed the tires on his vehicle after the two had a falling out. According to an incident report, the former couple’s troubles were the result of the man’s unwillingness to except his would-be wife’s career as a stripper. After causing a disturbance at her place of work, the man received a photograph of the woman’s middle finger along with the message “Delete my family off your page. Stay gone.”

Police responded to reports of a woman chasing an unknown man with a knife one evening. Police later located a woman matching the description with a large knife sticking out of her purse. According to an incident report, the woman informed police that she would have cut the man if he had “messed with her.”

A man called police to report a narcoleptic neighbor lying unconscious on her front porch and two six-packs of beer lying in her yard. According to an incident report, the woman told police that she had only consumed two beers earlier that evening, but has recently had issues with passing out for random periods of time.

An abandoned book bag was discovered downtown containing school supplies, a plastic bag of marijuana, and a text book titled “Capital Budgeting and Investment Analysis” —just going to show that some people can get high on knowledge.

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