Steve Stegelin

Blotter o' the week: During a DUI stop, an officer asked a man to follow a pen with his eyes while moving it in front of his face. The man basically failed the test when he interrupted the officer to ask, "Is that my pen?"

A thief opened up a downtown vehicle, finding two handguns tucked away in the center console. Maybe he has a good eye, but he probably just knew that an unlocked pickup truck would definitely have multiple guns left inside.

Officers reported to a downtown parking meter to find it damaged and loose change missing. Optimist's point of view: Everyone can win in this situation. If the perp is smart, they'll put the money back into other meters, effectively returning it to the city.

At a downtown park earlier this month, a man was found lying on a bench with a can of Budweiser Margarita under the bench. Officers noted that one-third of the drink remained, while issuing an open container citation. Guys, he's had two-thirds of a Budweiser Margarita — he's suffered enough, already.

A James Island woman informed police that she was overdosing on marijuana and in need of medical attention. Upon arrival, EMS determined that she was not overdosing, but was just really high from "one full cookie." There were other cookies on the counter of her home, which were put into CPD evidence where they will probably go stale.

After receiving $8,500 in cash from his credit union, a West Ashley man separated the money into 11 different envelopes: six with $1,000 and five with $500. Two envelopes went missing, which he believes was the work of his nurse assistant. But we feel like it could also just be because of his confusing accounting system.

A man and his brother were fighting outside of a downtown sandwich shop, spurred by "stress over recent family medical news," according to a police report. We doubt that one of their vaping devices was the stressful medical news, but it couldn't have helped because, not sure if you've heard, but they might be dangerous.

A pocket knife was found on a high school "scholar" at a Johns Island school. The student told officers that he carries it because he walks to school from a wooded area and is concerned about wild animals. The student did not mention any need to defend themselves during class, so they might've just found the rare student who still feels safe at school.

At a West Ashley bar, a man reported that his personal pool cue was stolen by an unknown party. The complainant described the pool cue as a black and white Meucci Gambler 2 Series, with rare decals that bring its estimated value up to $750. We were skeptical at first, but actually, now it sounds worth stealing.