Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between April 8 and April 14.

Blotter of the Week: A downtown woman reported her “Silver Phantom” stolen after having purchased it for almost $10,000 recently. Before you get excited about what sounds like an affordable sports car, we have to tell you it’s a golf cart. 

A West Ashley woman received a series of phone calls, during one of which the caller said, “COVID should take you out because you’re a waste of air.” We don’t want to commend the obvious harassment, but we are pocketing that line for our own private use later.

Officers noticed a man drinking from a brown paper bag on a downtown sidewalk and approached him. Upon approaching the man put the bag between his legs and said, “You got me,” calling the officer by his first name. Should we be concerned that this man is on a first-name basis with the responding officer, or is it chill?

A West Ashley man told police that there may be a few “droplets” of marijuana in his vehicle after being pulled over, because he smoked right before he left home. Quite the move to get loaded before you leave the house and bring along the THC dropper for the trip. Or maybe he’s just high as hell?

A man’s firearm, given to him by his grandfather, was stolen from his truck parked downtown, and he was unable to provide detailed information about the pistol. Officers contacted the grandfather, who told them everything down to the serial number from memory. Way to make grandpa proud, guy.

Police received reports of a shirtless man running throughout a parking lot, banging on doors and yelling. Surprise, surprise, he was intoxicated.  He was accurately described in the report as being a “general nuisance.” 

Normally when burglars break into homes, they take a good haul, but one West Ashley woman reported only $75 and her mailbox key as having been taken after finding her deadbolt unlocked and her door ajar. We can only assume the thief also hijacked her Amazon account and planned to return for the packages the next day.

A West Ashley man went to check his mail and found a discarded Glock 48 in the grass next to his mailbox, and he kept it for a few days before having a change of heart and contacting police. He’s got a point though, loose firearms belong in unlocked pickup trucks, not tossed willy-nilly on the ground.

Police responded to a gas station on East Bay Street after receiving reports of a man trespassing near the ice machine. Once police arrived, the man in question reportedly threw punches at officers, saying, “Handle your shit.” The report never mentions whether the officers handled it, but we love a good cliffhanger. 

A man was barred from entering a downtown lounge, and he reportedly became belligerent with staff before officers arrived. The man told police he was glad they were there, because the lounge staff were clearly “racist toward white people.” Not how it works, dude.