Blotter o’ the Week: A woman spotted a snake outside one day while walking her dog. In an effort to protect her pup, she picked up the snake and tossed it into the woods, but not before being bitten. Police soon arrived on the scene to assess the woman’s well-being, at which time she told officers, “I’m from the country. I ain’t afraid of no snakes.”

A woman got into a fight with her father after her boyfriend criticized the older man for not having a job. The father argued that he does in fact have a job, to which the woman replied with the witty rejoinder, “Yeah, sucking dicks.”

Approximately $150 worth of gold coins were reportedly stolen from a man’s vehicle. On a separate occasion, burglars also made off with $100 worth of rare coins from another man’s home. In both cases, the men said no other items were found to be missing.

One shoplifter decided to double down on her heist. After dropping off a load of stolen goods at her vehicle, she immediately re-entered a department store to grab a few more goods. Altogether, police recovered 41 items from the woman valued at more than $300.

An officer discovered a small bottle laying on the side of the street filled with $527 worth of tightly rolled cash.

An intoxicated man charged at an officer after shouting, “Come let’s go do something,” according to an incident report. The man was soon tased.

An intoxicated man was speaking with police when he began to confront another man after he was accused of “pilfering” his food, according to an incident report. With his honor in question, the man ripped off his shirt and charged his accuser before he was taken into custody.

A man decided to take some time out of his busy evening of drinking to stand in the middle of a busy downtown street, continuously shouting, “Suck my dick” at passersby.

A man has been sexually harassed by a woman who continues to flood his phone with calls, emails, and text messages that include photos of herself wearing very little clothing.

On his way to work one morning, a man discovered two large packages sitting outside of his apartment. The man placed the boxes inside before heading into the office. After returning home, he decided to open one of the packages, only to find that he had received a fresh shipment of marijuana. Overcome with panic, the man quickly bagged up the 12 pounds of weed and tossed it in his apartment complex’s trash compactor before contacting police.

Two women in line at an ATM got into a physical altercation after one of them allegedly took 20 minutes to handle her transaction. One woman told police that after waiting almost half an hour, she “made remarks about a welfare check causing the suspect to become angry,” according to an incident report.

According to an incident report, a suspect attempted to conceal drugs in a bag of Cheez-Its, adding his own special ingredient to America’s favorite snack cracker — cocaine.

An underage drunk driver panicked as a police car pulled behind her. Unable to keep her cool, the woman threw all of her beer cans out of the car window and leapt from the vehicle before running into the woods. Police were soon able to locate the young woman after placing a call to her mother, to whom she had called to explain the situation.

A shoplifter managed to single-handedly roll two car tires from a store and into his vehicle before making a getaway with time to spare.

A man became belligerent after having one too many drinks at a seafood restaurant. The man made things worse when he admitted that he would need to go grab some extra cash from his boat to pay his bill. The restaurant’s manager escorted the man outside to a nearby dock to retrieve the money, but once outside they realized that no boats were parked at the dock. It is at this point that the man began to shout, and the manager was forced to sit on him until police arrived.