The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.


Blotter o’ the week: A man discovered a spy camera positioned towards his apartment window. He responded by placing a spy camera of his own towards the first camera, capturing an image of the offender as he returned to collect footage.

Downtown, a woman’s medication for borderline personality disorder caused her to drive and act like an intoxicated individual, despite a blood-alcohol content of 0.0. She was arrested and issued a court date.

A vehicle was stolen on the peninsula. According to reports, its “distinguishing features” are a coexist bumper sticker, a CofC parking permit, and a broken passenger side mirror. Basically, it looks exactly like every other car in Charleston.

A man’s on-again off-again girlfriend broke into his house after an argument. She stole $500 and a knife from his residence.

On James Island, a large truck backed into another car and fled the scene. The victim got a look at the hit-and-run offender. She told police that he had “really white teeth,” and appeared to be “some sort of construction worker, because he was really dirty.”

At a downtown bank, a man tried to cash a fake check for $1,476.60. The bank teller knew something was wrong with the check, because the name of the bank was misspelled at the top of the counterfeit bill.

A man told police that his medication was stolen from his apartment. When CPD arrived, they found no signs of a break-in. The complainant then informed them that the CIA and the U.S.’s defunct mind-control program, MKUltra, were monitoring him. He was informed that “there were no signs of forced entry and that he is not being monitored by the CIA.” Of course, that’s what they want you to believe.

An ex-employee of a downtown synagogue illegally entered the place of worship overnight. He slept in the chapel, where he was found by a current employee. When they checked the donation box the next day, they found that it had been emptied, presumably by the sleepy trespasser.

A moped with a rusted muffler, damage to the right rear, a cracked rear light, and a broken left mirror was stolen downtown. Our question to the victim: are you sure you want this moped back?

Police were called on a middle-aged black man because he allegedly spit at two young white women and called them “crackers.” He claims he did not spit at them and was arrested by CPD. To be fair, calling the police for help in this situation and getting a man arrested is a total cracker move.