Blotter o’ the Week: A man says he was sitting on the couch listening to music when his roommate walked up and accused him of using his body lotion and wearing his tennis shoes. When the man denied it, the roommate punched him in the face with a boxing glove.

Police found a woman passed out drunk near the College of Charleston campus and took her to MUSC for treatment. After arriving at the hospital, the woman said her boyfriend was there to pick her up and she wanted to leave. The woman then ran out into the street, made sexual remarks to a police officer, and was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

A woman allegedly attempted to shoplift from the same store three times in one day.

A man tried to shoplift two steaks, a package of chicken cutlets, and three sticks of deodorant from a grocery store. Dude’s gotta stay fresh, even when he’s got the meat sweats.

A man with a bleeding hand who smelled like alcohol told police that he and his girlfriend had gotten into an argument involving whether or not he had let the dogs out. When asked how a window at his house had been broken, the man replied that he “didn’t mean to break it.”

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: Two iPhones, a GPS unit, 12 cigars, a license plate, a .357-caliber handgun with 60 rounds, and a 9-mm handgun with 50 rounds.

After coming up short on money to buy booze at a convenience store, a man tore a shelf off the wall and threw a bottle of pickled eggs at the cashier.

Police found a man running around naked in a parking lot at 1 a.m. When they asked the man where his clothes were, he said he had lost them and that he was tired. The man also said he had not slept in a few days due to a drug habit.

Somebody tried to pawn a tablet computer that had been reported stolen from a plasma donation center. Talk about a cold-blooded crime.

A police officer found a drunk man crouching on the sidewalk and asked him what he was doing, to which he replied, “I’m just chilling. I’m a former Marine, Mr. Officer!” The cop asked him to leave the area, which he did — until he came stumbling back a few moments later with a woman in tow and was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

A woman gave herself a huge discount on an $80 iPhone case at a store by swapping its barcode with one from a 99-cent dog frisbee.

A hotel clerk is accused of using a guest’s credit card information to rack up charges on and Yessir, there are some quality dating prospects out there in the world of match-making websites.

A bike thief was able to nab three bicycles at once that were locked to a light pole with a single cable lock. Remember, kids: Few things make a bike thief’s job as easy as a cable lock and a pair of bolt cutters.

Sad Quote o’ the Week: A man who was begging for money told a police officer, “Sir, I’m just an old drunk that had too much to drink and needed some cash to get some more.”

A man told police he was sitting on a park bench with a friend at night when he blacked out. When he came back to consciousness, the man’s friend told him, “The same guy just knocked you out again.” The friend handed the man off to police, and the man was unable to describe the person who had attacked him.

A drunk man got busted for peeing on a bouncer’s car. The bouncer decided not to press charges when the man appeared apologetic, but he was still arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

A man attempted to shoplift $50 worth of dog medicine from a store. Management was ticked off.

All-American Badass o’ the Week: A man told police that he was in his apartment one night when he saw two car thieves in his vehicle. He ran outside as they started the engine, grabbed onto a bar near the driver’s seat, and held on as they drove down the street and collided with a parked SUV. The man says he then punched one of the thieves several times in the face before the two ran off toward a nearby marsh.

Late-Night Quote o’ the Week: In a crime report about a late-night mugging on Upper King Street, an officer noted, “Despite the dozens of onlookers, [the officer] was only able to locate one sober witness.”

A man was caught on surveillance video at a gas station stealing $60 from a tip jar for a children’s hospital.