Blotter o’ the Week: A person familiar with Chick-Fil-A’s financial procedures called a Charleston location and claimed to be CFO Brent Ragsdale, except that Ragsdale probably wouldn’t ask an employee to put the money in a “disguised bag” and bring it to the closest CVS.

About $7,550 worth of landscaping equipment was stolen from a trailer inside a Johns Island storage facility lot.

A guy in a “Team Snickers” sweatshirt, who was apparently not interested in chocolate, stole $600 worth of cologne from a downtown drugstore.

The manager of a James Island hair shop told officers that a man walked in and began yelling at customers. When officers caught up with the man outside, he claimed that he both owned the store where he harassed customers and that he signed the police officer’s paycheck.

A man walked out of Home Depot with a $200 pressure washer.

A couple took a Lyft to a harbor cruise, but the husband left his iPhone in the backseat. The driver told them that he would bring the phone back, before ceasing all communication with the passengers and presumably lifting the phone itself.

A woman peacefully walking to her car during her lunch break was confronted with a man who opened his car door, pulled his shorts down, and masturbated “with his genitals in plain view.” The man reportedly made eye contact with the woman “several times.”

On May 11, a man drove a $32,000 Lexus out of a local dealership without paying for it under the pretense that he would take it for an inspection. He hasn’t been seen since.

“You still getting your ass beat when school out hoe,” is one of the threatening messages that an eighth grader at a local middle school received regarding a falling out involving, presumably, another eighth grader.

A Daniel Island woman jetted to France with her husband while the nanny watched over the children. All this glamour, yet not a camera with high enough resolution to make out who stole the $7,000 Chanel purse with the $1,200 Chanel leather wallet inside.

Two roommates had a Playstation 4 and a Macbook stolen from their apartment while their front door was pried open so the paint could dry.

A North Charleston woman’s stolen debit card has so far been used rather incongruently at three Charleston Kickin’ Chickens ($111) and at a Charleston pediatric clinic ($153).

A man kicked the front door of a West Ashley restaurant, shattering a glass panel, when employees wouldn’t let him back in after an earlier altercation with his girlfriend, an employee at the restaurant, in which he ripped the hose off a kitchen faucet.