Blotter o’ the Week: Two battery-powered Power Wheels children’s vehicles — one a hot pink Barbie edition Escalade — were stolen from outside of a home, in what was likely a low-speed getaway.

An intoxicated man was led out of a bar late one evening where he was immediately greeted by a nearby officer. Although the officer and the man’s friends begged him to call it a night, he insisted on filing a complaint against the bar, saying, “I know you’re probably getting paid off by these guys, but the way I was just thrown out of the establishment is ridiculous and I want a police report.” The bar manager later told the officer that the gentlemen were removed after repeatedly moving furniture near the bar’s VIP area.

An officer approached a man found lying in the grass surrounded by empty beer cans. When asked what he was doing, the man replied, “I’m just an old man trying to get drunk,” according to an incident report.

An intoxicated man was shouting obscenities outside of a gas station late one evening. Upon being questioned by police, the man explained that he was just spending his evening at the gas station, which he had mistaken for a restaurant. To make matters even more confusing, witnesses said the man had attempted to pump gas for those who stopped at the gas station.

A dump truck, trailer, and excavator were reported missing from a construction site. The estimated value of the stolen items was reported at $170,000. This is a good reminder not to leave the keys to your $70,000 dump truck sitting in the vehicle with the doors unlocked.

One man tried the old “No, it’s candy” excuse when an officer discovered crack cocaine in his pockets.

One Independence Day celebration got out of hand when a woman noticed that the individuals outside of her apartment had traded fireworks for handguns, striking her building several times.

Two men were fighting in someone’s front yard as the neighbors watched the barefoot brawl from their porches. After the men were rounded up by police, one of the fighters told an officer that he was on vacation with his family and had been drinking because his mom gave him permission to do so. On a sad note, one of the men woefully shouted, “I’m fighting my best friend” as they began to throw punches.

A drunk driver was pulled over by police one night. When asked for her proof of insurance, the woman told the officer that she used “Blue Cross Blue Shield.”

Police located an intoxicated man lying in the fetal position next to an empty horse carriage. When asked if he had fallen, the man replied, “I’m alright.”

A woman stole 32 bottles of perfume from a store.

A man returned to the parking garage where he had left his car to find that his gas tank had been emptied.

A couple was driving their golf cart downtown when they found themselves stuck behind a car that was stopped in front of a green light. The driver of the golf cart honked his horn to persuade the other driver to move. The woman in the car didn’t respond so well to this friendly honk. She answered by rolling down her windows and letting flow a stream of obscenities and pepper spray.

A man called police to report that his handgun was missing. He is unsure if the gun was lost while he was hunting, driving around Charleston, or if he had simply misplaced it in his home.

A father called police after he discovered a strange man hiding under his daughter’s bed. It was later explained that the man had been invited over by his girlfriend, who likely has something she needs to tell her parents. Officially making this the worst way to meet your girlfriend’s parents, police soon discovered that the car the boyfriend had driven to the home had been reported stolen.