The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between March 10 and March 15. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: An Xbox and PlayStation 4 were taken from a downtown church. It’s been a while since we’ve cracked our bibles, but there has to be a verse somewhere saying, “Thou shalt not steal video game consoles from Jesus himself.”

A traffic stop ended with police finding a plastic bag of brightly colored pills in a downtown man’s backpack. He told the officer they weren’t his and that he was only the middleman in an “illegal drug transaction.” Is that actually better?

Someone was apparently tired of all the electronic billboards around town telling them to wear a mask, as four batteries were stolen from the message board trailer on Lockwood Drive. Be safe out there, folks; people have short attention spans and will likely forget to mask up if they aren’t reminded every few blocks.

Police were called to a West Ashley steakhouse to remove a man believed to be intoxicated. He reportedly screamed offensive and degrading comments at officers once they arrived. Was he already banned from all the actual bars in town?

A James Island woman reported a book of CDs was stolen from her car. Talk about a flashback.

No less than five different people had their marijuana stashes confiscated after various minor traffic offenses. As a public service, here are a few relevant reminders: stop at red lights, use your blinkers, drive the speed limit and don’t drive through your neighbor’s front yard in full view of a patrol officer.

It’s possible that our favorite criminal contractor may have gotten caught, or at least read the Blotter entry that mentioned the police closing in on them, as this is the second week in a row with no reports of building materials going missing from local construction sites. Maybe they just decided to move their plans somewhere with more housing space.

A West Ashley couple caught with a jar full of assorted, multicolored pills and cash in their car told officers there was anywhere between 50 and 100 pills, but police counted 102. Caught red-handed, dirtbags.

Officers told a downtown juvenile holding what was presumed to be a bottle of liquor to empty its contents, and the boy reportedly complied. The officer didn’t say he couldn’t empty the bottle into his mouth — communication is key, guys.

A West Ashley woman was charged with embezzlement after scanning multiple items for her mother to purchase and then voiding them, allowing her mother to take them for free. What’s the point of working retail if you can’t get the goods for the fam?

Police noted the “abnormal behavior” of two men sitting on a downtown sidewalk and sharing a bottle during the pandemic as their reason for investigating the situation. Remember guys, open containers are A-OK when not in danger of viral transmission.

A West Ashley man reported a table saw was stolen from his truck while it was parked outside of a local home supply store. He demanded an investigation from the police, as this was “an inside job, and the police do not do enough for citizens as it is.”