The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Sept. 11 and Sept. 14. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter o’ the week: A modern-day love story: A young woman invites a boy over while her mother is away. The boy steals her PlayStation 4 and leaps out the second-story window and runs away. Bad boys are so dreamy.

An empty ring box and two Social Security cards were stolen from a car in West Ashley. It’s so sad those two kids will never grow up knowing their Social Security numbers.

After the check oil light came on while she was driving downtown, a woman checked her car to find what appeared to be chocolate smeared in the fuel filler neck. This vandal went above and beyond putting sugar in the gas tank.

A man told an officer that he was coming from his significant other’s house after being pulled over for suspected driving under the influence, but he wasn’t able to tell the officer where his significant other lived. Should’ve just gone with the whole, “They go to another school, you might not know ‘em,” routine.

Police instructed a man to step out of the roadway after watching him stumble up to stopped cars with a cardboard sign. The police report said the man was clearly under the influence, “due to his unsteadiness while walking, slurred speech and the fact that he had a bottle of vodka” on his person. It was the vodka that was the giveaway.

Fifteen vehicles and two bicycles were reported stolen across the city in three days. Did anyone tell Nicolas Cage they stopped filming Gone in 60 Seconds two decades ago?

A witness told officers she saw a shoplifter get into a white Hyundai and leave the parking lot of a department store. Police ran the tags the witness provided, and they came back belonging to a Chevy Impala. Stolen merchandise, stolen plates. What else?

A West Ashley fast food restaurant had $275 stolen from the register. The thief was recorded on camera stuffing the money into his pants before leaving. There has to be a more efficient (and comfortable) way of transporting stolen money.

An officer caught a whiff of “fresh marijuana” in a parked car, recognizing it instantly due to his “training and experience.” The officer confronted the woman in the driver’s seat and found $30 worth of “green leafy substance.” No other contraband was found. Another hardened criminal brought to justice.

A handgun was stolen from a vehicle in West Ashley. Pretty normal, right? But, this gun was originally pink and spray-painted black, because pink pistols just aren’t intimidating enough.

According to the police, “hot boxing” means to smoke “narcotics in the vehicle with the windows up.” They know what’s up. One man told police he hot boxed his car earlier in the day and that’s why it smelled like weed.