Blotter o’ the Week: A woman was walking her dogs past an approaching neighbor when one of the dog’s allegedly lunged at the man and clamped down on his beard. With his beard in danger, the man swung a bottle of laundry detergent at the dog, which proceeded to bite him on the arm.

In the mood for some extracurricular activities, two juveniles were spotted by surveillance cameras breaking into their school after hours to ride their bikes around the halls. They then returned later in the evening with a few more of their friends to roam the hallways, play around in the gym, and hang out in the cafeteria. One of the students was later identified by a Snapchat video of himself jumping off of a stage in the school.

Police found an intoxicated man lying in a pile of recycling bins late one evening. Police realized the man’s shoes were missing as they woke him, and he appeared unsure of how he ended up in the pile of bins. Although the man had no identification on his person, police were able to discover his name using the citation for public urination found in his pocket. Suffice to say, he was trashed.

An officer found an intoxicated woman lying on the ground next to a vehicle parked in a roadway downtown. The man standing nearby told police that the two were on a “Bumble” date, during which the woman decided to attempt to outdrink him. The woman also insisted on urinating on the sidewalk at which time, she fell over and passed out. She awoke just in time to remove herself from an ambulance and curse at the medics on scene. This all makes for a great story to tell their future kids about how “mom and dad” met.

A seductive shoplifter managed to steal 50 pairs of panties from a lingerie store. The total value of the missing items is estimated at $725.

An intoxicated man refusing to leave an oyster restaurant was given two options by police: Tell them the name of his hotel or spend the evening in jail. Realizing he was shucked, the man responded by saying, “I won’t tell you, so let’s go to jail.”

A suspect entered a downtown convenience store and told the clerk “This is a stickup!” At this time the clerk noticed that the suspect was holding what appeared to be a chair leg with a wheel attached. As the suspect chased the clerk from the store, onlookers attempted to apprehend the bandit, who responded by grabbing a windshield squeegee and swinging it wildly at his potential captors. The suspect was then “taken to the ground,” according to an incident report, and held until police arrived.

A woman suspects that her daughter’s father vandalized her car after the man reportedly told her, “Bitch, I’m gonna vandalize your car.” No answer as to what gave away his true intentions leading up to the incident.

An accordion went missing from a man’s vehicle that he had parked overnight outside his home. Hopefully, this Weird Al in training has learned that thieves just can’t pass up the allure of an unattended squeezebox.

An unsuspecting woman allegedly caught a pool ball in the chest after an intoxicated female patron became upset with her and decided to call her shot for the seven ball in the left shirt pocket. There were no injuries reported, but it’s safe to say the alleged attacker scratched.

Someone tried to use a woman’s stolen account information to purchase two mattresses, which begs the question: How do they sleep at night?

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