Illustration by Steve Stegelin

Blotter of the Week: Officers responded to a family dispute during which a father threatened to “put his foot up his [son’s] ass if he did not get his act together.” Sounds more like they walked onto the set of the That ’70s Show reunion.

Runner’s Up

Officers reviewed footage that showed a downtown business’ trailers being stolen by two pickup trucks, but they said the video wasn’t great, and it would be difficult to identify the trailers or culprits. Hear that? Get better cameras or say ‘Bye’ to your trailers.

After being stopped on a downtown sidewalk by a patrolling officer, one man told officers they could search him, and stood spread-eagle in front of them. When the search revealed a small folded piece of paper, he exclaimed, “That ain’t mine,” before officers asked about it.

During a West Ashley arrest, the suspect called an officer a “bitch” and, when other officers came to his defense, said, “Well, does he not look like a bitch?” No mention of Big Kahuna Burger, unfortunately.