Blotter o’ the Week: A black belt with a bronze tiger-head buckle valued at $595 was stolen from a downtown clothing store. Chances are it won’t be too difficult to identify the shoplifter, once he or she steps out with this safari-themed accessory.

In response to finding a note left on the kitchen counter stating that her boyfriend would not be home that night and had taken some clothes with him, a woman threw the man’s cigar humidor, sock drawer, and all of his clothes down the stairs of their home. In an effort to refute George Bluth’s fatherly advice to always leave a note, the woman said that she had a panic attack after seeing the letter, and “got mad and broke his stuff,” according to an incident report.

A man called police after receiving Facebook messages from a stranger accusing him of sleeping with his girlfriend and threatening to feed his penis to a dog. Drawn into an online love triangle against his will, the man told police he had no idea who sent the messages or who the woman is they are apparently fighting over.

A woman suspects that one of the contractors renovating her home made off with approximately $30,000 worth of jewelry that he had stored in a box for safekeeping.

The windows of five brand-new Mini Coopers parked in a car dealership appear to have been shot out with a BB gun, according to an incident report.

A man told police that he had received a text message from his girlfriend claiming that she had taken his laptop in order to trade the computer for money to purchase makeup. A look back at the couple’s earlier text conversation showed that the girlfriend became upset after learning that her boyfriend had taken all of the cold medicine. While the threat to pawn his laptop may seem like an overreaction, the boyfriend told police that this is not the first time his girlfriend had lashed out at him in this way. He also told police that he is very concerned that he’ll never see his laptop again. The same was not said regarding his girlfriend.

A caller impersonating a doctor attempted to order a prescription for 90 Xanax. When the actual doctor was contacted regarding the imposter, he told a worker at the pharmacy that this had occurred several times in the past few days.

A cab driver called police when a customer refused to pay her fare. After driving the woman from one hotel to another and waiting for one hour in between each stop, the driver delivered the woman to her final destination for the evening for a total charge of $280. After swearing at officers who responded to the scene, the woman locked herself inside a hotel bathroom. When she was finally removed by police, the irate exhibitionist exposed her breasts to police as she was taken into custody.

A man was spotted crouched behind a row of shrubs collecting his urine in a large mug. When questioned by police, the man said he would pour it out, which makes you wonder what he was planning to do with all that urine in the first place.

After repeatedly rear-ending the vehicle in front of her in the drive-thru at a fast-food restaurant, an intoxicated driver was taken into custody by police. After arriving at jail, the woman told police, “I will not cooperate you” and “I’ll fight you,” according to an incident report.

One intoxicated driver immediately confessed to police during a traffic stop, saying that he had consumed several glasses of scotch and should not be driving. Upon exiting the vehicle, the man urinated on himself before lying down in the back seat of his car and going to sleep. Later, when an officer was trying to instruct the man on how to provide a Breathalyzer sample, the man replied, “You do not need to teach me how to give a blow job,” according to an incident report.

Someone ripped out the entire dashboard of a vehicle they had broken into, taking with them the vehicle’s built-in touch-screen GPS system.