BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: During a party, a woman moved to another room away from the gathering, only to have a man enter moments later, holding his penis.

He then said, “Ain’t it beautiful.” She then responded, “I wouldn’t frame it.”

A man phoned a woman, claiming that the victim had won $2.5 million and a Mercedes Benz. He then said, “The delivery man is on the way. Meet the delivery guy at the front door with no clothes on. He’s going to put his ‘you know what’ in your backside.” And by “you know what,” we don’t mean an oversized check.

A man posted a sign on the wall of his ex-girlfriend’s apartment. An arrow pointed toward the woman’s room, with the sign reading “Incest Lives Here.” The man was last seen wearing a T-shirt with an arrow pointing up that read “Jackass.”

During a routine traffic stop, an officer smelled marijuana smoke in a suspect’s car. The officer asked if the driver had any marijuana in the vehicle. The man responded, “No.” The officer paused for a moment, then repeated the question, to which the driver then said, “Yeah, it’s in the glove box.” Sponsored by Staples: “That was easy.”

Athlete O’ the Week: Prior to beginning a sobriety test, an apparently intoxicated individual conducted “exercises” to “loosen himself up for the tests.” The calisthenics proved to be useless. Take that Jillian Michaels.

Bad Parking Job Apology O’ the Week: “I’m sorry I was parked in the middle of the intersection.”

Responding to a fight, officers apprehended a man and cited him for assault and disturbing the peace. Noticing that the man was injured, officers offered to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. But the man apparently would have none of it, proclaiming that he was going to the detention center on Leeds Avenue. The man then asked, “Can I get a ride to Leeds in the ambulance?”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.