You’re really not being sneaky enough with your pot if the police officer can see The Cannabis Bible lying on the back seat.

Tiger Blood Quote O’ The Week: “Yeah, I’m drunk. I’m 35 years old. It’s what I do!”

Ironic Threat O’ The Week: “You better get out of here or you’re going to end up in the newspaper.”

Asked how much he had to drink, a suspect told the officer that he didn’t “want to get into a debate.” As the officer was moving him to the police car, the man allegedly leaned against the car and banged his forehead against the hood, shouting, “Ow, look what you did!” He then stood back up and said, “Just kidding.”

A woman told police that her roommate hit her in the forehead with a “crystal ball.”

An officer stopped to speak with a man he found stumbling down East Bay Street. Asked how he was going to get home, the man said that he was going to call some friends. It turned out those friends were arrested a half-hour earlier for getting into a fight. #designateddriverfail

Of the four suspects in a recent shoplifting incident, the store manager described three as “chunky” and one as “skinny.” Considering obesity rates, that sounds like any four people randomly plucked from the food court.

Items Stolen This Week: Three GPS units, three iPods, a bike, and a laptop.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.