Blotter o’ the Week: A 72-year-old man says he fell through an unsecured manhole cover and scratched his leg in several places.

An officer on late-night bar patrol stopped to talk to a man whom he saw standing “awkwardly close” to the outside of a building, according to an incident report. “When questioned,” the officer wrote, “the offender voluntarily admitted to urinating by proclaiming that he could not wait any longer.”

An officer pulled a man over because his car’s tag light was burned out and discovered a Confederate flag-emblazoned glass containing bourbon in his center console cup holder. He also had a gram of weed in the glove compartment. The South will drive again!

A man tried to walk into a nightclub carrying a can of beer. A bouncer turned him away, and a police officer cited him for an open container violation.

Somebody scratched the letters “XOXO” into the hood of a car. That’s no way to send a Valentine.

A cop pulled a man over after he drove his car back and forth across three lanes of traffic without using a turn signal. After he had stopped, the man said, “I know I was swerving.” The officer also found out that the man was driving with a suspended driver’s license due to failure to pay traffic tickets.

Neighborhood Drama o’ the Week: A woman had a neighbor’s oak tree trimmed back to the property line. Since then, she’s been noticing weird things around her house, like a lightbulb that was removed from the front porch and a doorbell switch that had been tampered with. Also, her neighbor set up surveillance cameras that pointed directly at her house, including one that pointed into her eight-year-old son’s bedroom window. The neighbor’s wife said the cameras were there to “watch the neighbors due to the tree issues.”

Open Container o’ the Week: A fifth of whiskey next to the driver of a vehicle that had just crashed into a parked car.

Somebody stole a drum set and a set of bowling pins from a store’s toy department.

A police officer saw two bouncers push a man into a door so hard that a piece of wood broke off and the glass window cracked. The bouncers said they pushed the man because he had spit on the floor of the bar and fought them as they were escorting him out.

Police confronted a man who was sleeping in a tent in the yard of an abandoned house with a No Trespassing sign out front. When asked if he had seen the sign, the man said, “They must have just put it up last night.”

After firing a drywall contractor who was working on her house, a woman noticed that 10 sheets of drywall had been stolen from the house.

Around 4 a.m., a police officer responded to a report of loud noise on a residential street. He arrived and found a woman sitting on the ground crying and yelling. When he asked the woman to calm down and explain what was wrong, she continued to scream that she did not have any friends and that no one liked her. Smelling a strong whiff of alcohol on the woman’s breath, the officer arrested her on a public intoxication charge.

Somebody stole a plastic coyote decoy that was used to scare geese away from a high school football field.

A police officer found a baggie of weed while patting down a man’s pockets. When asked how it got there, the suspect said, “Man, I just found that.” Lucky day.

A 10-year-old girl was walking down the sidewalk when she crossed paths with a man walking a large dog. She asked if the dog was friendly, and he said it was. When she leaned forward to pet the dog, it bit her in the abdomen. She says the man handed her $10 and said, “He’s never done that before.” She walked home and then called the police, who interviewed her and took her to a hospital, where staff found three puncture wounds in her lower abdominal area.

When asked about the crack cocaine he had stashed in his sock, a man told a police officer, “I just sprinkle that on my weed when I smoke.”

Workers were painting the inside of a vacant rental property when they found a loaded, dust-covered revolver hidden on top of a kitchen cabinet.