Blotter o’ the Week: A man called police after finding a stranger in his kitchen cooking a late-night snack while wearing nothing but his underwear. The trespasser was intoxicated and told police that he thought he was at a friend’s house.

A man returned to his apartment after a disagreement with his roommates to find his television damaged and his bed soaked in what he believed to be cat urine. According to an incident report, the television was stabbed with a screwdriver that was found nearby. The report did not mention if the cat was taken into police custody.

An officer responded to calls about a man screaming obscenities toward an apartment building. The officer noted that the man was acting belligerently and smelled of alcohol. When asked how much he had to drink that evening, the man replied, “Enough to do whatever I want, motherfucker,” according to an incident report.

Police discovered 24 coin canisters that had been removed from parking meters downtown.

Someone carved the word “ASS” into the driver’s side door of a vehicle while it was parked at a department store.

An argument between two men who had been working together to cut down trees quickly escalated into a lumberjack attack. The victim said that when he asked for his paycheck, the other man grabbed a chain saw, turned it on, and pressed it to the victim’s chest. Fortunately, the man’s injuries were not life threatening.

After crashing his truck into a ditch while checking his cell phone, a drunk driver stated that he was in West Ashley. He was surprised to find out that he was actually on James Island.

Hospital staff noticed a woman injecting her adult son with an unknown substance while he was in a recovery room. Nurses were curious as to why the man had been showing no signs of drug withdrawal during his time in the hospital, and they believe that the man’s friend had been sneaking in morphine during his stay. A quick search of the bed revealed a couple of syringes that tested positive for narcotics.

An officer found a discarded 9mm pistol hidden in a trash can downtown. The weapon was cleverly hidden in a takeout box from a fast-food restaurant.

A shoplifter tried to exit a grocery store with a package of boiled eggs hidden in her purse.

A woman suspects that her ex-boyfriend slashed her two front tires. According to a police report, she had been receiving multiple text messages and voicemails from her ex saying that he was going to “Fuck her shit up.”

Stolen Items O’ the Week:

Two shoplifters stole 50 boxes of antacids from a department store. It’s hard to believe they had the stomach to commit such a crime.

Two student protest groups got into an altercation after a member of one of the groups allegedly began trying to poke another student with a flag. After separating the students, the officer reminded them of the importance of peaceful protests.

An officer stopped a driver who had neglected to turn on his headlights one evening. Upon questioning, the driver admitted to drinking a combination of whiskey, tequila, and cinnamon-flavored whisky-based liqueur before getting behind the wheel.

An intoxicated man urinated in the middle of the bar at a popular downtown steakhouse.

Repeat Offender O’ the Week:

An officer turned an intoxicated young woman over to her friends and told them to take her home immediately. Less than an hour later, the officer found the same woman stumbling around in the area. When the officer asked the woman to call a friend to escort her home, she began checking pictures on Instagram. On the drive to jail, the woman was able to slip out of her handcuffs and remove her seat belt.

A man was found urinating on a doughnut truck in a parking garage downtown. When asked by police why he didn’t try to find a bathroom nearby, the man said he just couldn’t wait any longer.

The owners of a liquor store interrupted a man who was preparing to urinate on the outside of their building. According to an incident report, the man had been asked multiple times by management to leave the store earlier that day.