BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Two instances were reported last week of stolen firefighting equipment. Sure, recent investigations found problems, but that doesn’t mean we start fighting fires on our own.

A woman wrecked her SUV when she hit a downtown fountain. She told officers that she didn’t remember what happened, but that “a homeless guy told me to go that way.”

La-Z-Boy Threat O’ The Week: “Don’t get too comfortable tonight.”

Texting can be hard, especially when you’re angry. Among a slew of texts to one Charleston victim was this gem: “U puss me off.”

Famous Last Words Before Arrest: “They found the shit.”

A woman reported losing her wallet with eight credit cards. We think the first suspect should be the recession.

A driver eventually booked for possession of marijuana told officers he was on his way to pick up a broom. Yeah, Harry Potter. And your car is an Autobot on a top secret mission to infiltrate Cobra.

Found Item O’ The Week: 11 knives in a shopping cart.

A woman said that her credit card information had been fraudulently used, including a purchase at Yahoo! Personals. Interests include evading police, purse snatching, maniacal laughter, fashion-forward ski-masks, and movies where Al Pacino’s plays a misunderstood bad guy. No fatties, please.

Upset that he is getting violation notices from his homeowners’ association, a resident has been leaving messages for an HOA employee, including, “I’m so tired of your bullshit,” “I guess when I get off my medicine, I go off like that,” and “Take your tampon out whenever it’s done with whatever you’ve got.” He called the homeowners’ association a “Nazi HOA” and a “little dictatorship.” We didn’t know that Sean Hannity lived in the area.

Items stolen this week: Five GPS units, three iPods, and three bikes.

Threat O’ The Week: “I will kill you. My word is my bond.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.