BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A Goose Creek woman was thrown out of a downtown bar recently for causing trouble, including grabbing a man’s junk. In an unrelated incident, a man told officers that an unknown woman came up to him, kneed him in the balls, and ran. Remember when cups were just for sports?

Threat O’ The Week: “Oh yeah, well, if you are going to call the police, then I might as well punch you!”

After apprehending a fleeing suspect, officers found a GPS unit laying in the grass nearby. They hit “home” on the unit and used it to locate the owner. Somebody put this technology on our key ring.

Wrong Turn O’ The Week: A drunk man who kept walking into a local hospital, even though he didn’t need medical treatment, told witnesses repeatedly that he was from Oregon and on his way to Connecticut.

A man found smoking marijuana downtown claimed that it was medicinal and he presented a forged prescription. We may have just found the missing item in the Woodstock anniversary collector’s pack.

After exchanging some “not nice” comments with his niece over Facebook, a man told officers that his brother assaulted him. The fight was broken up by their 82-year-old mother. If we had to post the update on her Facebook wall, it would read, “Too old for this shit.”

When a DUI suspect was asked to describe her level of impairment on a scale of 1 to 10, she said, “28.”

A driver not wearing her seatbelt told officers that “she’s not a seatbelt kind of girl.”

Items Stolen This Week: Six bikes, three GPS units, three iPods, and a laptop.

Five teenagers raised suspicions last week when they tried to pawn a Playstation, several DVDs, and some tools. They told shop owners that they were pawning the stuff for school supplies. Unless the game machine was broken and the DVDs were Hannah Montana, we wouldn’t believe them either.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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