BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A woman says that a man she dated briefly about a year ago keeps sporadically texting her. At a bar with friends one night, she says she got a text asking how she liked her beer. She says that she’s also seen him behind her in traffic several times. Surprisingly, it was not the money you could save by switching to Geico.

Items Stolen This Week: Four GPS units, two iPods, two bikes, and two surfboards.

A 50-something Charleston woman found a note on her car window that read, “U are a hot GILF.” In the universal language of Gov. Mark Sanford, that would be a grandmother I’d fly to Argentina for.

Threat O’ The Week: “You needs to pray.”

A drunk student tailgaiting before a concert argued with officers about the no-drinking policy in the parking lot. Before referring to a Latino officer as “José,” this collegiate baseball player said, “You’re just wasting your time writing me a ticket. I’m a student and it’s gonna get dropped.” In the back of the patrol car, the athlete broke down crying, telling officers, “Alcohol played a role in this and I just want to see the concert.”

A domestic dispute began recently over whether or not to order a pay-per-view movie. We’ll assume that it did not involve a debate over George Burns’ 18 Again! and Zac Efron’s 17 Again.

When asked to recite his alphabet during a sobriety test, a local driver got through most of it, until: “… S,T,U,V,H,I,W,L,O,W, wait I messed it up … alpha, bravo.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.