A man interrupted officers several times during a DUI sobriety test, telling them he was too drunk to perform the tasks. That’s right, really make those cops work for their money.

A man arrested for disorderly conduct told officers that he had three beers and that he was “coming from my house, going towards my house.” Hey, the world’s round. It’s entirely possible.

Holy Threat O’ The Week: “I am going to put it in God’s hands.”

Worst place for a sunset quickie: The slide at the community playground — with a mother and child playing on a swing set nearby.

Items Stolen This Week: Nine bikes, nine GPS units, two iPods, a laptop, and copies of In Cold Blood and War and Peace.

In the midst of apprehending a suspect, an officer reported having to chase the man around his car three times. We can only hope “Yakety Sax” was playing in the background.

A letter sent to a Charleston woman threatened harm unless she dumped her boyfriend. The return address was “Guess who?” Um, how about that last person who actually writes letters. Seriously, we couldn’t even tell you what’s on a stamp anymore.

A fire marshal visit to a downtown bar led to four arrests. It began when one man was arrested for disorderly conduct when he refused to leave. He was followed by three of his friends who kept hassling officers. Well, if there’s one place you don’t want to go alone, it’s jail.

Threat O’ The Week: “Get these ghetto kids out of the street or I will shoot you all up.”

Upset about getting kicked out of a downtown bar, a young man took off his shirt and “began to yell and scream violently.” Followed, we’re presuming, with a mad dash toward the nearest folding chair.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.