Drug Hiding Spot O’ The Week: A fire hydrant.

When asked how much he had to drink, a DUI suspect told officers, “Well, probably a lot!” In an unrelated incident, another suspect told officers, “Not enough.”

Trash Talking O’ the Week: “I got your hot dog right here.”

A man performing a DUI test had a pack of gum in his hand and kept dropping pieces. Better to ditch your Stride gum before a ram comes along to make you spit it out.

During a traffic stop, a man allegedly lied about his identity. It was evident to officers when he gave several different spellings for his middle name.

Patrolling the City Market after closing time, officers found a woman on one of the tables “with a male subject underneath her shirt who she stated was her boyfriend.” She allegedly then proceeded to crawl across several tables. This is what happens when Shakira releases a new single.

A man was arrested by police after he racked up a $30 taxi bill that he couldn’t pay. The report states that he “was too intoxicated to withdraw funds from the ATM.”

Items Stolen This Week: 13 bikes, five iPods, and four GPS units.

Siblings tattled on their mother, telling a guidance counselor that she was selling drugs out of the house and smoking marijuana, which the children referred to as “the W word.” Our minds still go to an entirely different kind of dope when we hear that letter.

Officers asked a man who had been disturbing his neighbors to lower his voice. He told them that he always talks loud when he is drunk. He apparently also talks too much when he’s drunk.

Victim’s Famous Last Words O’ the Week: “I dare you to hit me.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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