BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: You know it’s summer when a couple suspected of assault are identified as wearing a pair of blue shorts and a string bikini.

DUI Test O’ The Week: Asked to count back from 95 to 86, the suspect actually was successful, but she went on: “…85, 84, 81, 82, 79, 78, 76, 77, 78, 77, 75, 74, 73.”

A local mission reported a theft of more than $600 in donated goods as well as a small TV. A drumstick was found at the scene. Whether or not it was a regular drum stick or a Guitar Hero drumstick will make a big difference in creating a profile of this suspect.

Found Item O’ The Week: An empty, rusty casket in a church that’s under construction.

A man stumbling around a downtown street recently told officers he had too much to drink and he was going to sleep in his car. They provided alternative lodging — and complimentary finger painting.

Officers arrested a man for disorderly conduct who was slumped over a Meeting Street bus stop bench. He told officers that he was waiting for a “waite,” but he couldn’t explain who or what a “waite” was. We’re not sure either, but waité is what we often find ourselves doing in line at the coffee shop.

Items Stolen This Week: Eight iPods, 11 GPS units, and six bikes (including one ironically lifted from the back seat of a car).

Police were called for a potential theft when a woman was accused of stealing $50 from a purse. Officers found $45 in her bra, but she said that is where she keeps her money. Officers had their doubts: “The money located in the (suspect’s) bra was dry, which was inconsistent with money being located in the offender’s bra for any period of time.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.