BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Police responded after a man allegedly punched a car window, popping the glass out. Officers asked several questions while booking the man, which apparently frustrated him. “What else do you need to know — the size of my dick? I will tell you that it’s not that big.”

After noticing a man stumbling down King Street, an officer approached him and asked how he was doing. “Please don’t take me to jail,” were the first words out of his mouth — not a good start. Asked about a cut on his lip, the man said he got smacked by a woman at a bar. He wouldn’t give much information to officers, but did say that he’d had “plenty” to drink. Charged with disorderly conduct, the man asked the officer several times, “What will it take for you to let me walk home tonight?” After a fourth time, the officer asked if the man was trying to bribe him. “Hell yeah, I am,” the man said.

Asked for her identification, a 38-year-old woman handed officers the drivers license of a 21-year-old. Suspicious of the apparent age difference, officers asked her name, to which she responded, “The name that it says on the card.” Realizing the jig was up, she said the ID was her cousin’s, but she still couldn’t provide a name that was anywhere close to what was on the card.

Quote O’ The Week: “You aren’t going to church today, motherfucker.”

An officer on patrol had stopped to chat with a local convenience store clerk when a drunk man stumbled in. After several failed attempts at putting a sentence together, the man was escorted by the officer out into the parking lot. “This is why I hate Charleston,” the man said.

Items Stolen This Week: Five GPS units, three iPods, a laptop, and four bikes (including one later found for sale on Craigslist)

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.