Weapon O’ The Week: A chicken sandwich

Items Stolen This Week: Four bikes, five iPods, and six GPS units

In the latest example of ever-subtle police descriptions, a Spoleto patron flagged down police at Marion Square when a man was spotted sitting on a wall at the park “with his left hand in his groin area and it appeared his hand was moving around.”

Vague Text Threat O’ The Week: “I just wanted to make sure it was worth all the consequences.”

A bank manager contacted police when she found a ski mask and some lighters outside of the branch. Video surveillance showed that the stuff had apparently been left by a very intoxicated man who tripped and dropped the items by accident.

Two men got into an argument at a local gas station when one was accused of staring at the other. “What are you looking at?” the angered man asked, to which the other responded, “I’m looking at you looking at me.” Miley Cyrus, we have just found the hook to your next single.

An 18-year-old with suspicious cuts on his back told officers that he had been playing “cops and robbers” with his friends. While running from the “cops,” the young man claimed that he ran into a pole and fell back onto some glass, cutting his back. Kids, creating elaborate cops and robbers stories will only get you in the blotter once.

A man reported that his ex-girlfriend was sending him threatening e-mails, like, “I pray that you die everyday!” Honey, if you can’t put up with him, what makes you think God wants him hanging around?

When asked where he was coming from, an apparently intoxicated man walking down Meeting Street told officers, “I’m coming from New Jersey.” We’re still not sure if that explains why he was walking or why he was drunk.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.