BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A middle-aged woman interrupted a man’s meal at a roadside diner to show off her marksmanship trophy and to brag about her proficiency with her weapon of choice, saying she could “hit a bullseye at 400 yards” with her pistol. After he told her to leave him alone, she left, allegedly threatening to “come back and shoot up the place.” She did return a half-hour later with a revolver. No one was hurt, except for Thelma, who was apparently left at home this time.

A neighbor upset about a yappy pooch told a downtown woman to get her dog under control. He allegedly warned, “If you don’t handle the dog, I will and I will handle you, too.” The real question is whether he’ll break into a song from Wicked or just cackle like the Wicked Witch in the movie.

After her car was stolen, a woman told officers to look for a front license plate that read, “A Gift from God.” We don’t know about you, but when we see a gift without a gift tag, it’s fair game.

A minivan driver was arrested for drunk driving after sending police on a chase through West Ashley. With a busted tire, the driver told officers, “I was going home, but I’m way too drunk now.” Yeah, and without transportation.

Odd Find O’ The Week: An officer on patrol found a pair of Birkenstocks, a spilled cup of Starbucks coffee, and a trail of blood leading down the street for several feet. If local brewers can’t have your business, no one will!

A jealous girlfriend has been hassling a downtown woman who she believes has been courting her man. The victim thought they’d resolved the dispute, but recently received a phone call where the suspect allegedly told her that if she called her boyfriend one more time, “I will kick your pussy through your mouth.” She called back a few minutes later to warn her to stay out of town. “I will be waiting,” she warned. “Trust me. Bring your family.”

Stolen Items O’ The Week: Five GPS units, four bikes, and three iPods

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.