BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: An officer was trying to administer a roadside sobriety test at an accident scene, but the suspect kept calling the cop, “Mommy,” and refused to stop when asked.

Police approached a man walking along South Battery Street at 1 a.m. Asked if he was alright, the man immediately began yelling that he’d done nothing wrong and that the officer had stopped him because he was “a black man in a cracker neighborhood.”

Items Stolen This Week: Three iPods, two bikes, a laptop, a GPS unit, and three fishing rods.

A driver contacted police when his car was struck by wooden stakes falling from the truck bed in front of him. The vampire slayer business has officially gone mobile.

Confession O’ The Week: “Yes, officer, I pushed her. That big bull dyke was in the way of the fridge and I was trying to get a beer and she wouldn’t let me have one of the beers that I purchased.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.