BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Police arrived at a King Street storefront at 3 p.m., responding to a call regarding a drunk man. They found him sitting in a chair at the back of the store, mumbling incoherently to himself. Once escorted outside, officers noted that he had trouble standing and “his eyes appeared to be bulging from his head.” He told police that he had been in an argument with his girlfriend and “he was hurting.”

Items Stolen This Week: Five GPS units, four bikes, two iPods, four fishing rods, and a tattoo gun.

Suspicious of two men loitering in the parking lot of a West Ashley shopping mall, an officer asked one man who they were waiting for. He said, “A white guy, short, kind of looks like you.” Asked separately, the other man said, “His name is Tyrone. Tall, black guy.”

Text Threat O’ The Week: “I will not get mad, I will get even!!! Like I said, you haven’t seen crazy yet.”

Asked to rate her sobriety on a level from one to 10, a woman told police, “I can’t answer that. I believe it would be self-incriminating.”

A 17 year old pulled over for not wearing his seatbelt faced further charges when a gun was found in the car. The boy tried to implicate his mother, saying he was just borrowing the car from her and didn’t know anything about the gun. Mom told officers the gun wasn’t in there when she let him borrow the car.

After refusing to stop texting in the back of a police car, it took three officers to get the phone away from the man and another three to get leg restraints on him so he’d stop kicking.

Asked how much he had to drink, a DUI suspect told police, “A bunch … I don’t know, 10.” A receipt later found in his pocket said he’d had eight house vodkas, three house liquors, and one house bourbon. During the roadside sobriety test, the man couldn’t walk a straight line, telling officers, “I can’t do this. I’m that bad.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.