BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A grocery store manager phoned police when an employee was found drinking from a box of wine on the clock.

Almost Home DUI O’ The Week: “Are you for real, really? I live right there. This is such shit.”

Stolen Items O’ The Week: Eight GPS units, nine bikes, five iPods, a laptop, and an entire glove box. Damn, now there’s a stash of napkins you’ll never get back.

Hindsight O’ The Week: “I knew I should have just ran.”

Asked how much she had to drink, a DUI suspect said “like two beers.” She’s either a really bad liar or, like, totally a valley girl.

A CPR certification card was among the items lost when a woman’s purse was stolen. So when that drunk guy shows you his card and asks to press your chest, ask for a second form of identification.

A woman told police the man that stole her car was “homeless looking.” Ahhh, hobo chic never goes out of style.

A DUI suspect told officers that he’d had a birthday shot from one of his friends. Somebody got played because his b-day was more than a month ago.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.