BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A man who had allegedly dumped a full cigarette butt receptacle in the middle of the street told officers that he was looking for cigarettes with some tobacco still left in them.

Stolen Items O’ The Week: 11 bikes, 11 iPods, three GPS units, and a laptop.

Mall security called police when a seemingly drunk store employee was trying to get in her car. The woman told police that she’d been drinking a bottle of vodka throughout her shift and just wanted to sleep it off in her car. We want a Mad Men-style wet bar, too.

Irrelevant Statement O’ The Week: “That ain’t even that much coke man.”

A driver tried to avoid a boot by moving the car while the parking enforcement officer was installing the boot. Unfortunately, she backed into another vehicle in the process.

Rough Start O’ The Week: Asked if he had any guns, drugs, or explosives in a car, a suspect told officers, “I don’t have any drugs or explosives.”

While searching a vehicle, officers found a collapsible baton. The driver told police the baton was for his wife. Hopefully not literally.

On the lookout for a man trying to sell a bike on the street that was missing a wheel, officers found a man matching his description carrying a recently used mini-fridge.

An officer identified an anarchy symbol via a Google search.

Described as “possibly” mentally unstable, a man was quoted by officers as saying, “You love your girlfriend. I love my girlfriend too. I want to be a cop. I’m from New Jersey. You’re a rapist.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.