BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Notified of an intoxicated man yelling at pedestrians, officers found him shirtless, wearing only a bathing suit and one sock. The man told officers that he’d been drinking downtown “with all the other people you aren’t bothering right now.”

Typo O’ The Week: A police report described a suspect as having a “bald head, tall, and then.”

Stolen Items O’ The Week: Seven bikes (including a pedicab), six GPS units, four mopeds, three iPods, and a bike rack.

A man who allegedly tried to rob a bank handed the teller a note stating, “Don’t be fucking stupid. I have a gun.” Her response, “You’ve got to be shitting me,” led him to snatch the note back and flee the scene. He left with no loot and most, but not all, of the hold-up note.

A woman carrying a knife claimed her man hit her with a pole. But he successfully defended himself by arguing to officers that “he did not hit her with anything, due to the fact that he could not get close because she was attempting to cut him with the knife.”

After being pulled over, a man said his erratic driving was due to a manufacturer’s recall of his car that caused it to shake. The officer had to explain that the reason he was pulled over and the reason the car was shaking was because the front driver’s side tire was flat.

Advice O’ The Week: After an officer adjusted his handcuffs to make him more comfortable, a DUI suspect undergoing a Breathalyzer test at police headquarters told the officer, “You know, just some advice — I could have killed you a number of different ways just now while your back was turned. I’m a Vietnam vet, and they taught me certain ways to do that.”

A woman arrested for public intoxication said her father was an NFL referee and that the officer’s “favorite team is fucked this year.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.