BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A West Ashley man met five women on a local highway and invited them back to his home. After they left, he found that $1,000 was missing from his bedroom closet. He said all the women were wearing dreads. This is what Predators are reduced to when a movie franchise dies.

Face Off O’ The Week: Knife vs. cocktail

A recent grad told officers that her high school nemesis hit her in the head with a shoe at a downtown club. This is why Kelly and Brenda went to different colleges.

Items Stolen This Week: Eight GPS units, six iPods, and three laptops.

A man attempting to get a ride off the peninsula told officers that he’d been shot at. Pressed for details, he later confessed that the loud sounds weren’t gunshots, they were fireworks. In an unrelated incident, a woman reported that someone shot a bottle rocket through her window, catching her bed on fire.

Drunk Jailhouse Admission O’ The Week: “I deserve to be where I am right now.”

A man arrested for driving under the influence told officers he was coming from “happy hour” at his house. Every hour is happy hour at our house.

Perp Quote O’ The Week: “This is why people hate the fucking cops!”

A woman stole a pregnancy test and took it into the grocery store restroom to find out if she was pregnant. Officers arrested her for shoplifting before we got the great/terrible news. Fingers crossed.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.