BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: In an attempt to flee police, a man eventually arrested for drug possession wrecked his bicycle, sailing over the handlebars. He allegedly continued to run, climbing over a fence with sharp metal ends at the top. He cut his hands and arms, ripped his clothes, and put a hole in a bag of cocaine. This kind of thing usually isn’t funny unless it happens to a cartoon animal.

Items Stolen This Week: 10 bikes, five GPS units, two iPhones, three laptops, and a bag full of Bibles and prayer books

After spotting a man walking by Marion Square with what looked like a bottle in a brown bag, an officer reached him, but he was empty handed. The man told the officer, “I didn’t have a bag. I didn’t put it on the ground.”

Reporting a theft of $200,000 in cash that she’d left in a book bag in her bedroom closet, a woman told police that she believed it was a close friend who, ironically, had recently given her security advice.

One man involved in an argument outside of a downtown convenience store claimed he was threatened with a camouflaged shotgun. In an unrelated incident, a domestic dispute ended with a man allegedly pouring Miller beer into his girlfriend’s gas tank. Yee-haw.

Five-finger Discount O’ The Week: $20 worth of toothpaste.

Two underage Citadel cadets were cited for public intoxication after a woman told police she saw them changing from civilian clothes into their school uniforms at a peninsula park.

Reporting alleged threats he received by school administrators, a substitute teacher told police, “I had a bad feeling the minute I walked in the door of the school. It was just like the bad feeling I had on Sept. 11, 2001.”

A woman arrested at 4:30 in the morning for public intoxication told police that she’d been drinking at a downtown bar, but she was “21 and it’s legal.” Officers described her as having “dirt and tree leaves embedded in her hair, random cuts and scrapes on her ankles, and a large wet spot around her groin area.” Apparently, there’s no dress code at closing time.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.