BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Investigating a domestic dispute, cops were convinced that a suspect was hiding in his home, refusing to answer the door. They could hear the shower running and a delivery guy arrived with a Chinese food order that the man had called in.

Ironic Theft O’ the Week: A Harley-Davidson rain suit and T-shirt — stolen from a car downtown.

A woman believes her teenage grandson may be responsible for taking her GPS unit from her kitchen table. Ma’am, it wasn’t going to help you find the casserole in the back of the fridge, anyway.

You know a roadside sobriety test is going to go poorly when the officer walks up to the car and describes the driver as “semi-conscious.”

Items Stolen This Week: Two iPods and a hunting bow with 25 arrows.

Quote O’ The Week: “You are all going to Hell, and I am anointed with the fucking blood of Jesus!”

In a Halloween-related offense, someone threw a pumpkin at a woman’s windshield. There was no damage, but pumpkin guts went everywhere.

Officers were notified of a city police radio found in the middle of the road in West Ashley. It’s unclear whether the witness called 911 or just radioed it in to dispatch.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.